Atashi wa, As for Me,

2011-02-14T22:55:00.005+08:00

And so i spent the Valentine's at finishing this anime Shingetsutan Tsukihime.

Valentines? What Valentines? Isn't it just another fad exploited by commercialism and consumerism?

And who says one must have a special event right at Feb 14th and not on other days before it. One might save on not spending a lot of unnecessary money that way.

And who says we can't have a Valentines Day everyday, or once a week, or once a month.

That said, i am single, and i am proud to be one.
With my (add degree of extent here) self-centered character i would probably be more suited to enjoy the freedom alone and would also not have to worry about not participating enough, or worry about whether i am being too selfish and not caring about the other partner's feelings or not.

And i told my cousins plus some other people who had asked me, "Eh no girlfriend arh?" , that i'd really prefer being single.

They all replied," Lol wait till you get one, then you won't think this way already."

Heh, wishful thinking.

Ok back to Shingetsutan Tsukihime.

It's great, really really great. It's being a while since i last enjoyed an anime that isn't a comedy type. The last that i could remember was Code Geass (of course plus Code Geass R2).

I guess ones that can make me jerk a tear or two or even a river for more awesome ones i had watched in the past really works for me huh.

Too bad, again, Tsukihime is only a 12 episode anime series, and maybe it'll be even better if it was extended to 15 plus episodes to allow for more character development of the cast. Or maybe even to 26 episodes since there is still a red-haired lady who didn't get much mention or background story in the anime. And of course, i want more Arcueid.

I was inclined to play the visual novel version of it for a more complete story, but when i saw the artwork (even though it's an eroge, sadly), i think i would leave it aside, as my tolerance for artworks/drawings that are "non-modern" or not drawn properly is quite low.

And again, i am lazy to summarise all the content (Go wiki it if you have spare time), but i wanna point out about the romance between the main female character in the anime version and the male protagonist. It's that of a (female) vampire and a human.

This kind of romance interests me.

(And before you fangirls go scream "Twilight", please don't, the concept of Twilight disgusts me, since

1. I only accept female vampires
2. I hate brainless bitches, especially if they are the stereotypical Hollywood american bitchy love-strucked girls)
3. ......so on and so forth... after i picked up the courage to tolerate getting disgusted for the length of that movie (to correct my misunderstanding about Twilight? Nah nah nah look at "1." two lines above) )

(Back to topic) And yes these kinds of supernatural stuff interests me, especially romance when there is usually a gap in lifespan between the supernatural being and the human. Makes me sad thinking about the short, ephemeral existence of humans and how they have to part, at least in the romance in the fiction. (Though in the Tsukihime anime, the female vampire was killed by the bad guy. Sobx.)

Which is why, i have the desire to work towards extending the human life to as long as possible.
(Irl, not pertaining to supernatural beings already, but the death of the loved ones we hold dearest)
And yes i do acknowledge the possible consequences that will happen if one day we can really live to double of our lifespan now (assuming aging process is proportioned similarly), like whether the Earth still has the space to accommodate the endless desires and consumptions of our race. But i plan to run away from those.

(Assuming i have the chance to actually go research, damn it results day is probably near and i am gonna hate it.)

(Back to topic) Eh, ok i lost track of what i was gonna type when i sidetracked, but never mind.

Next to watch, will be Fate/Stay Night. I watched the first episode of it from a long time ago, maybe many years ago. I am not sure if i would like such "proxy battle" type anime, plus i predict that there will be a sad ending to this anime.

Oh well, i guess i'll watch it anyway.

2011-02-13T22:32:00.002+08:00

I thought i wouldn't touch those animes with horror, mystery, gore and/or psychological themes and genres.

But just now i did. Maybe not a good choice like i thought.

I watched finished Chaos;Head. For me, i think it was bad, "real" bad (no pun intended because part of its story was based on delusions).
I think it was bad because after watching it my head was full of question marks, i don't know what's happening, i don't know why that thing has happened because of that event, and i am not too sure if the production team did made attempts to explain clearly all the difficult concepts like matter, anti-matter, Dirac sea and other mechanics and pseudo-science to the layman who might not want to use their brain juice or doing some sort of academic examinations at the comfort of their own room/house.

As such, i won't be able to properly do a summary of Chaos;Head anime, especially when i seem to have stopped using my brain properly ever since A levels ended.

(So go try watching this if you think you are up for a challenge.)

Anyway, this was an adaptation from a visual novel, and i might understand more if i play it since it's hard to squeeze all the content into a 12 or 13 episodes of an anime season.

Ok never mind, cos for some reason i feel really, really depressed. Because of watching such a series? Yeah maybe i should have stopped and never touch those kinds of anime again.

Oh well, next to watch would be Shingetsutan Tsukihime. Opps, this is a mystery/psychological/horror themed anime as well. :/

2011-02-04T04:10:00.003+08:00

On a slightly similar context as the second last paragraph of the previous post, it's worth noting once again that pap kinda likes to play dirty huh - they have the media under their control, they have the famiLee in charge of important organisations, e.g. Ho Jinx.... oh sorry spelled wrongly.... Ho Ching as head of Temasek Holdings who is known to have lost billions in investments recently but has stakes over Singtel plus many others, and it is also not exaggerating to have the feeling that the law court would give face to the pap judging from past record.

Impressive. No wonder some call this the Lee dynasty.

Ok ok anyways, happy Lunar New Year.

As usual, relatives (from the mother side) came over to my house for house visit. To a little extent, i kinda dread this, NOT because of that me being a stereotypical youngster will be hating tradition, but because though i am not the only one at home i still feel the pressure of being a good host, especially since i am not really good at talking. It feels weird, as it meant that half the time i was sitting at one corner looking lost.
But thankfully my elder brother's room is like a semi-exhibition room of Japanese anime and game with 3 glass cabinets and 2 tables of figurines, and walls with posters, and plus on his computer desk there is an outstanding Hirasawa Yui figurine which i think it was 1/8 scale of life-size. These are either imported from Japan or bought there directly while he was visiting Japan.
To summarise, he's the real deal, and i'll leave it to him when the relatives start to feel bored.

After that, the younger ones including me went to T3 to chill till a few hours past midnight, talked about lots of stuff, which i'll probably talk about in the next post.

Yeah probably.

2011-02-01T23:01:00.004+08:00

Cool. Our very own LKY has published his new book, "Hard Truths to Keep Singapore Going."

""Hard truths"". Hmm subjective.

Ahhh "subjective"... i haven't used this word for quite some time already.

Obviously don't expect LKY to get arrested for expressing his opinions "candidly", as compared to Mr. Alan Shadrake.

Well, when you're the king, of course you can say, do, and earn whatever you want. I guess he still deserves my respect (and maybe a little admiration) for being able to climb to such a position of control, (and probably, if my retarded ambitious desires continue to grow i might even want to become a "king" too on top of many others including fighter jet pilot heh lol).

This isn't the first time LKY and company said something that is "potentially divisive", now particularly among racial lines. Heck, just drop off that "potentially" word there.

Extracted 2 lines from LKY's book:

"Malays would never close the gap in educational attainments with the Indians and Chinese, 'because as they improve, the others also improve'."

"Multi-racialism in Singapore was progressing very nicely until the surge of Islam came."

And see this link.

That 3 convicted racist bloggers whom many amateurs like to mention clichely in their arguments must be feeling damn pek chek eh.

What about me? Well now and recently i have avoided making subtly racist remarks (against malays) , but very long time ago my peers like to refer to me as being (just a little) "racist".

But then the "very very slightly racist" old me (yeah take note of the word "old") can't even match up to the "king" 's level.

I probably have lots to learn from this "master".

And i question his son LHL's intentions when he didn't go agree with the king when LHL is asked for his response to the king's opinions.

Anyway, seems like general elections is gonna be pushed back to a later date by the regime. Hopefully by then some of us won't get "bribed" by whatever budget scheme (or "package", lol) the regime has to flash us with once every 5 years to keep them in power.

Why did i say "some of us"?

Probably because the men-in-whites seem to be counting on new citizens here from china and other countries for significant amount of votes, and soon they (and PRs) are gonna make up way more than half the population here.

Ok lol more importantly, it's because i have my own views, i express it here to try to get you, the reader, to understand, but i don't expect (or force through various means) the reader to completely take my stand as you have your own views as well regardless of source of information.

And anyway, if you were to ask me on the spot why i am so disgusted with a certain political party, i won't be able to reply you instantly, or even half an hour later, with a satisfying standard of argument with credibility, since as with a general paper essay (which i like to take much more time than given to write to the best of my abilities), it needs time. (Lol bad excuse.)

And so that's why i write it here, albeit with obvious lower standards and it being more emotion-filled than an essay, and with abrupt conclusions and endings as well.

Oh yeah, if we are fortunate enough to deny the pap of total control of parliament in the elections, don't worry, your parents won't lose their jobs if they are civil servants or are working for any organisation affiliated with the pap, because if so, then it would be corruption and blackmail already.

Oh yeah, if want to be corrupted, why not just follow the men-in-whites' example and do it openly and bluff the public that it is wrong for politicians to serve the people through their true heart and compassion instead of petty monetary salary and benefits.

2011-01-25T23:11:00.001+08:00

I think.... i am getting old already.

First, my hearing. It's getting hard to focus to hear a person speaking in a crowded place. I haven't been blasting music or continually increasing the volume to a satisfactory level (which is a warning sign), and i abandoned my headphones a long time ago.

But i have this serious bout of heavy runny nose. The mucus was much more thicker than usual (you probably might mistake it as someting else lol) , and i guess the nasal cavity and all that tunnel they are connected, are they? And one thing affects another. I hope it will really get better and not worse.
....Eh... what's the point of this paragraph? Hmm i guess i just wanna say that line in the parenthesis heh.

Second, i don't feel myself having a lot of energy lately. As compared to some weeks ago, my energy level now is like meh.

I guess i am really bored with my current warehouse job. It's not really that physically tiring as what i had expected, but the boredom is really there.

Plus the colleague who tells me what to do everyday in the warehouse is a malaysian chinese, so i sometimes have a hard time understanding what instruction he is giving.
But hey, this time round, i am somewhat the one at fault though, because after 2-3 weeks i still can't get used to it.

The funny or sad thing is that, i feel i am subconsciously trying to match the accent of the person i am replying to. Well, since i said it's subconsciously i won't know for sure, but i really hope the accent DOES disappear, or if not, let me have full control over hong kong, china, ang moh, malay and malaysian chinese accent and then this will be a real talent.

I have (a few) people asking me if i am from china. One said (in china chinese) ,"Where's your hometown?"
And the new permanent assistant joining the warehouse who is a malaysian chinese, asked me whether i was from msia as well.

Damn it.

Eh, so i guess i need to watch even more Japanese anime from now on. I'd prefer Japanese.

Oh, and i had deviated from explaining why i said i am feeling old.

Oh well, i am tired.

2011-01-18T21:32:00.004+08:00

I love audio in lossless format!

Oh wait, i am not exactly sure if my ears can differentiate between lossless .FLAC/ .tta , and lossy 320kbps .mp3 and 128kbps .mp3.

But by now my ears should be very familiar with lossless audio since from a long time ago i started listening in that format on my Altec Lansing speakers.

Anyways, i had downloaded Touhou doujin albums sold at Comiket 79, and they are all in .tta lossless, so they take up quite some space.

(And of course i feel a little guilty as well. I am gonna go visit Japan and really buy the albums (and many of other things) instead, in about, eh, 3 to 5 years time?)

And i love the sweet and high-pitched voices of songs from certain music circles in .... erm, lossless format.

...Yeah i am still, still wondering if i can really differentiate lossless from lossy audio. Probably it has got to do with my speakers, since a lossy 192kbps .mp3 song sounds (a bit) "out of place" or grainy.

In the end, it might all be some placebo/psychological effect, since i already knew beforehand what format it is in.

Same explanation (roughly) applies to skincare/healthcare products.

The normal consumer doesn't always at least take A level Biology or even O level still (and to some extent, Chemistry).
Most of us don't know what exactly that cream or tablet is doing for and to our body, or its mechanism, or if its advertised effects are a well-concealed scam. (Applies to us who are taking Biology also.)

And so today the news reported that, according to a scientific research and study which i think is British, those collagen-containing products don't work; they don't help much in regenerating whatever things that they are marketed to do, including applying on the skin or taken orally as the collagen protein can't really penetrate into the skin and will also be broken down into amino acids if taken orally.

Heh i knew this is coming (though it's a bit late for me to claim this victory about suspecting this lol, and of course you guys and gals won't believe i had actually suspected collagen products from a long time ago when i learnt about collagen in biology) though it could be common sense as well.

I wonder if this is gonna destroy the market for products marketing what producers and consumers want collagen to do.

I guess..... not.

And probably those skincare products which boasted about using "gene science" will sooner or later be down as well, since in my opinion if nucleic acids can be so easily manipulated especially on the outside then all the problems and limitations of gene therapy treating tricky diseases like CF would not exist as well.
Besides if these products were to really work, then we (or I) gotta start worrying about them affecting our own DNA and RNA in our body and causing cancer and other problems.

Though L'Oreal, from what i had read last time, seem to be safe from legal complaints about misleading information, since their ads mentioned " "INSPIRED" by genetic science/technology", and doesn't have to involve genetic concepts itself. Nice. Nice... inspiration.

Then again, if one is very rich then i really don't care whether he/she spends tonnes of money on them.

And then again, if one has money to throw away, then why not give it to me huh. I want money to..... hmm let's see, i want money to get a violin and take violin classes.

2011-01-12T20:37:00.006+08:00

http://www.temasekreview.com/2011/01/11/toc-demands-an-apology-from-lianhe-zaobao/

Point your cursor and click on that link above. (Sorry that you might have to click back and forward since this blog's template doesn't allow right-clicks to open a new tab)

A little example about the unawesome smear campaign by our unawesome dominant political party in democr.... oh sorry i was about to type democratic society, but then technically we aren't.

A little example, also , about why we should read newspapers:

It's because we have to be wary about what some editors at our one and only sole PAP-affiliated press could be writing about us, especially if there are inaccuracies, with whatever agenda they might have.

If, touchwood, something were to happened to me, if possible, i probably wouldn't say a word to any pesky reporters or ask anyone to represent me, especially if i don't belong to any relevant organisation.
I would smile and even show a peace sign, i won't let them have a chance to take a mug shot or a face with a defeated expression and publish it in the propaganda to smear me and mislead the daft public.

(In fact, the disgraced monk Ming Yi could be commendable to a little extent, as he managed to maintained a smile all that time after court sessions while reporters are busy taking a snap of his face, but then again, we have to be reminded to be VERY, VERY careful when handling funds)

More "government bashing":

Recently the PAP took a "tough stance" towards WikiLeaks, as quoted from the link in MSN Today.
The headline said, "Don't try a WikiLeaks here, says govt."

Lol losers. In my viewpoint as a common citizen, a government who has to do such things to avoid being "exposed" resembles some sort of loser especially when the government isn't transparent already.
What kinds of secrets, badmouthing, backstabbing or any other things things said behind the very citizens, whom a democratic government is accountable to, are being hidden away?
If the ministers and representatives are afraid of what they said being revealed to the public, then why even say it in the first place?

Pretty dishonest aren't they.

The article even quoted a certain minister that it'll be bad if the things leaked are "taken out of context".

Oh..... Oh wait, didn't Singapore's 'awesome' judiciary some time ago took some sentences "out of context" from Alan Shadrake's book "Once a Jolly Hangman" and went to charge him as well?

('Awesome' judiciary because the very same judiciary system that Mr. Shadrake criticised in his book went to hear him guilty about contempt of court from the book. Not funny.)

And that article in that MSN Today link ends with a line a minister (i think it was Mr Yeo) said, that the things leaked are inaccurate.

Oh ok loh.

(Dealing with) men-in-whites is like talking to dead people.

LOL.

It would be fun to see that quote above being copyrighted or licensed or something. Hehe.

2011-01-10T18:53:00.002+08:00

http://www.temasekreview.com/2011/01/10/unmarried-citizens-and-prs-allowed-to-buy-hdb-resale-flats/

Point and click on that link above. Seems like we Singaporeans are getting more and more like 3rd-Class citizens in our own land.

Oh wait, technically we citizens don't own the land; the government forced citizens to sell it in the past in the Land Acquisition Act at dirt-cheap prices, only to sell it at skyrocket prices now by trying to scam us by from time to time saying misleading non-layman terms to the daft public.

2011-01-09T16:06:00.005+08:00

And so, i received a edusave merit bursary today. A $400 cheque.

Plus another one i received last year and an extra Eagles award for year 2010 of $150 or $200 i'm not sure i haven't went to collect it yet, it makes a total of $950 to $1000.

So, it can be said that my "salary" earned for this roughly 2 years of jc is a thousand bucks. Hmm. Miserable wage especially when we take a look at the packed curriculum of a junior college.... but wait, i am getting conceited here but it seems a little not difficult to get ranked top 25%, i am even a little surprised when i know i will received this merit bursary.... maybe i am the last few to squeeze in.

Hmm maybe i am boasting too much here already.

(And speaking about wage, mainstream media (MSM) kept harping about "amazing" GDP growth, but the average Singaporean's wage are sliding down. Don't the men-in-whites learn that GDP is not a good indicator about economic progress and level of development of the country? Oh yeah, the average Singaporean who don't take jc economics or social engineering don't know. Yeah if import 5 billion foreigners into Sinkapore then confirm GDP will grow by 3258% loh.
And lol the bullshit that the MSM churned out that "Singapore's judiciary system is top in a global survey", while leaving out the fact that we are only top in 2 out of 8 factors, and in other factors, Singapore scored real bad. Link-> (point it and the cursor will show, and click it) http://www.worldjusticeproject.org/sites/default/files/WJP%20Rule%20of%20Law%20Index%202010_2.pdf)

Anyway, last time, probably in secondary school times and sometimes in jc, i thought the adults don't understand how we students are being stressed out with studies, grades, discipline masters, bullies, gangsters, fitting in etc; it sucked to be studying, working seems to be better.
And the adults kept telling us, "You, as a student, just have to study hard, that's all, simple as that."
I ignored that advice to some extent.

But now, after i had spent some time working, i actually preferred studying instead (or maybe it's just me lol) , as compared to the boring or repetitive and sometimes technical work, where the boss/manager wants to see productivity, and plus i witnessed some minor politics/backstabbing and so i have to be nice, make sure and pray hard i won't become a victim.

And at least when studying there are many subjects to choose what to study for the moment, so not as boring, and while teachers kept saying "no more spoonfeeding" they are (mostly, though) actually worrying a lot about us and doing what they can to help us.

And there is also the advice from some old co-workers in that delivery job i took recently, to "Study hard, you're given the opportunity, if not you'll end up like us."

This time round, despite saying this a lot of times, i really regret not adding that extra push while studying in the past.

I think i am gonna cry or jump down the building when i get my A level results weeks later.

Anyway, back to that edusave merit bursary ceremony today. The wait from after registration to the actual receiving of the cheque itself is kinda long, but i had experienced worst waits and stoning (in that customer profile surveyor job i had, 4 hours times 2 days).

So i went to look around. I was kinda surprised to see, among many other things, females not outnumbering males. Surprised because there seems to be the trend that girls are better academically than guys, and are getting even better as time passes.

(YES GUYS KEEP IT UP DON'T LET GIRLS OWN US)

.....then again, this is so far only what i see here, in this residential area.

So, why do females seem smarter than males?

(I write "seem" because being good in studies doesn't always equate to being smart, then again, being smart allows one to be good in studies)

CUZ MALES ARE FUN LOVING.

AND I AM A MALE CHAUVINIST, PERIOD.

2011-01-02T21:34:00.002+08:00

And so, another year has officially passed.

2 to 3 months to knowing A level results and despair.

4 more months to NS and knowing what being treated like a dog is like.

1 more year to knowing whether the thing about the world ending in 2012 is another marketing strategy and superstition or not.

3 more years to knowing what true freedom is like after ORD from NS, assuming apocalypse didn't arrive in the previous 2 years.

Anyway, in this previous half a month in December i had worked in a total of 4 different jobs, and earned about $700. I think i am pretty satisfied with this amount of cash and exposure.
All these 4 jobs, flyer distributor, Giant mascot guy, delivery attendant and lastly customer profile surveyor (a.ka. SPY!! Standing outside a rival shop of the client for 4 whole hours and writing down race, estimated age etc and after that doing the shit work of manually collating and counting into categories), are temporary, and i'll be going for another new one tomorrow.

Talk about monday blues man.

That new job tomorrow is just some warehouse job, nothing exciting. And it will definitely be tiring unlike the previous 4 jobs. But i accepted it from the recruiting company (quite an efficient one, it introduced me 3 jobs including this one), since i don't want the trouble to wait and spam resumes for another job again.

But if i can have the choice, i wanna work in SPH and see how things work there if possible. Hehe.

2010-12-24T20:02:00.003+08:00

By chance, i happened to chance upon in Youtube some Touhou BGM remixes done with erhu with an orchestra.

OMG i had discovered gems!! Awesome, and some of them are even touching as well. And yes, for some reason listening to these music that i had just found made me smile too.

And so..... here comes me daydreaming about learning a musical instrument (that i like to listen to).
But judging from my current circumstances, like time and a little gaming addiction and etc, i don't think i can even start picking up one.

But some time ago i checked briefly, and it seems that there's a second-hand violin that costs around $80, though someting tells me it's no good buying that (especially since i am not quite familiar with its pricing) even if i am already working.

Anyways, this season's currently airing animes are all gonna end (at least, for all the 12-episodes ones), and the next season of new ones are arriving.
Well i am excited about what kind of new shows will be airing, but at the same time i am also feeling sad that the animes that i had enjoyed for the last 3 months are gonna be gone. You know, there's always the "NOOO~ I WANT THE NEXT SEASON NOW!!!" when the last episode came.

Good things will eventually come to an end huh. Well, fair enough, since it's also no good to drag the story, unless when the storyboard writers do not stop their flow of new, fresh, interesting and funny ideas.

2010-12-23T20:48:00.005+08:00

Well, the mascot job for Giant supermarket is finally finished last sunday. This job, maybe i can say, is both bad and good.

Bad: Sian the "supervisor" (inverted commas because i don't know what to address him as) sponsored my taxi fare and told me to bring back home the mascot and bring to the next location at the next shift or on the next day, by myself. Yeah free taxi home, but i gotta carry this big heavy red bag containing the mascot costume parts and another trolley bag containing the air pumper and misc things. Then got one time the balloon pumper told me to carry along another rather big cardboard box of sweets and chocolates, and bring to the next location. D:

Ok loh got taxi, if i don't bring along who can?

But the journey to the supermarket there itself from the taxi fare is still a bit sian, with and without that extra box.

That time when i was going to the Giant at Sembawang shopping centre basement, i was carrying the large red bag of mascot costume, pulling the trolley bag and struggling with that cardboard box all at one time.

And all the people i walked passed or who are around me just stared, stared and stared, and after that still want to look some more, but don't wanna bother offering any help to me.

I don't have any reindeers that Mr. Santa have, neither do i have a third arm, or tentacles or psychokinesis powers, it would be hard to think i can manage properly.

Ok loh, typical and standard singaporeans. So i just banged my way through, and knocked people here and there when they didn't respond to my "Ooi excuse me". And i was kinda in a bad mood too already.

Actually i am quite okay with doing these shit work assigned to me, but when i see all the people there only stared at me (and blocked my way some more) then i feel a little pissed.

Maybe, we won't offer help to strangers probably because,

1. Fear of rejection- many people like to say "Mind your own business lah, and don't interrupt."

2. Scared getting into unnecessary trouble- it isn't going to be funny when someone helps but he breaks things, or, later stock check then find out something missing then troublesome already.

3. People's mindset of :"Lololol i also won't gain any benefit and not paid, help for what? Some more he is stranger lehxxxx. And my mama always tell me don't talk to strangers or take their sweets alsoooo."

And despite the bad things (plus some other misc. ones not mentioned), there are probably many good things about this job.

Good:

1. THE SANTARINAS ARE ALL PRETTY LADIES !!

Well, for the 4 days of work, there are different ladies coming, dressed up as female santa and helped gave out balloons and sweets as well.

It seems from what i see, it could be that they might be models being called to come down for some extra work for cash. (One of them, i think, have similar height as i do or a bit shorter...YEAAAAHHHHHH!)

2. Break time

Awesome since every 30min in mascot i have 15min break, and this 15min no one kept track of time for me to tell me it's time to come out of the break room. (means i can cheat, but of course i didn't, since i am Jackson, and half the time i came out even only when 8min had passed...)

So it's like, an hour's wage feels way more than the stated $7. (break time didn't minus the wage)

3. Assume a different persona

I would be called a weirdo, or a pedophile even, if i acted like i do in a mascot costume but didn't wear the mascot. LOL.

Anyway, i probably wouldn't ever, in my lifetime, be that lovable and well-liked without that mascot costume, and also wouldn't be able to make so many children and parents smile and happy as well.

AND PLUS without it, i won't get to camwhore with so many people also since i ain't a celebrity or a Korean.

4. Experience

I have about 4 more months before i go waste my life and become a dog for 2 years, i.e. go army.

So i want to try out as many different kinds of jobs as i can in this period of time, and partly for fun as well.

(And since after NS, jumping careers in the workforce probably won't be well-liked by employers as it shows that one isn't committed.)

That said, i still hope that my contract for my current delivery attendant job will be extended, as it will end at the end of this month.

In this job, i am quite clumsy and blur (expected), screw up many times and the main driver had to tell me what to do, kinda disappointed in myself sometimes, but then still, i get to spend a little less than half the time travelling and resting in the lorry.

Nice.

But if it won't get extended, i wonder what's the next kind of job i will go try.

2010-12-17T23:17:00.002+08:00

Heh just when i thought i won't gonna do any flyers anymore, i just remembered that i'd agreed to do another flyers job at next month, many weeks ago. But it is to give out to filipino/indonesian maids who are waiting to pick up schoolkids after school. Hmm.

But still, so far i haven't receive any word from the person who offered me this job.

And speaking of flyers, i am reminded of how much i acted like a pseudo-Japanese, bowing while giving the flyers to people. I wonder if this gesture would make people more inclined to take the flyer.

Well, anyway, sometimes, i wished i had started working when i was still 16 waiting for O level results.
Doing jobs will be quite an eye-opener and the experiences while doing them can prove to be valuable. And who knows, if i already had job back then then i would had been more motivated to put in much more effort to chiong for A levels.

The adults told me during my current driver assistant job, that earning money is hard. And i experienced it first-hand recently.
And they told me, study hard; if you don't, you would end up in such back-breaking jobs and you'll regret.

And yes, gotta emphasise again, earning money is hard and likely i'll really think twice before splurging money.

Ok so when's my paycheck for doing those flyer jobs coming?? They better not cheat me of my imba services.

2010-12-16T22:56:00.003+08:00

So yesterday i did another flyer job, probably the last one i'll ever gonna do in this period of time.

A little sick of this job already, even though i only had 3 days of flyers job.

The first 2 days are at Nex Mall in front of the citigems store itself, so not bad. But yesterday's location was really bad. It was at tampines mrt.

Irritating place.

I tried to give out near tampines One area, but the security guard chased me off. Then i see the mrt stairs that got 3 other flyer giver. Sian.

Then still got bonus, that grumpy old woman selling tissue and that grumpy old man playing that flute or whatever instrument it is shoo-ed me away from their spot. Ok, fair enough.

So i go a corner loh, facing the the shuttle bus spot. But it seems i still give the flyers out even faster than the other 3.

AND PLUS I STILL GET TALENT-SPOTTED 2 TIMES. YEAh!!!! "Talent-spotted" means people come forward to me and ask whether i want work for them after seeing my imba flyer giving attitude.

This adds to another one when i was at Nex Mall. Hehehehe.

But NS is a damnation.

So today i went for a very slack job. I don't mind the pay at $6 per hour. Just sitting in the logistics lorry for half the time, wait for the lorry to reach its destination, then help the driver unload the load with the pallet jack, which sometimes is too heavy for me though.

But since i am new, the driver still has to do some of the things by himself unfortunately.

So overall, the actual working hour is very short, and i still get the pay. Nice. And the pallet jack is kinda fun to learn how to use, seriously.

But later on after today, i must really get used to my job role already and not be a liability.

Positive work attitude is the way to go. Cuz usually for this kind of job, those men in their 50s will be doing it, and here i am, taking their rice bowl away (temporary) especially since the salary i earn is just for some extra money for personal use.

Which means i must work really hard.

2010-12-14T18:27:00.008+08:00

This recent period of time was damn tiring and could be considered hectic.

After prom night the next day onwards i went to see internet classified job ads and went to spam my CV to each and every job offer that i think i can manage.

But i sent it to all those admin and data entry ones (about 20-30, yeah serious) but only 1 gave me a call to say they'll submit my CV to their client and tell me results next day but that one the next day also no news at all from them.

Seems like these jobs are in hot demand eh damn you people.

But i managed to get a flyer distributor job and a mascot job, yes you didn't see wrongly, a mascot job, you know, wear a stuff animal costume and entertain irritating kids.

Well the flyers job ain't that special or spectacular, so i decided to make it less boring and went to "actively" give them out. It's not much, but i think that if i just stand at one spot giving flyers out, many people will just ignore you, plus stand there see people walk past also very boring.

When i am doing this job itself, somehow i feel i should really appreciate it when next time i see people giving flyers to me.

And by "actively", i meant walking around to pass them the flyers, and not forgetting to smile as sincerely as i can, and saying thanks when they accept it.

I got to see all kinds of people, some would politely reject and smile at you even if you had approached them more than twice, some would only smile when you smile at them while giving, and some would give you jiao bin and ignore you, plus saying a "Go Away" before they go.

For the last kind of people, i seriously wanted to give them a bitch-slap.

And for the mascot job, it was to wear the Giant supermarket mascot, the green dinosaur one. Last saturday was at tampines Giant, and sunday was at Jurong IMM Giant and Vivo. Next saturday at Parkway Parade and sunday at some other location i forgot.

I thought wearing the mascot was a fun job, but no. When wearing the head, my vision is limited. And it's kinda hot inside. But all these i can tahan, if only the velcro to hold the mascot dress together isn't loose and needs to be re-velcro-ed every 10 minutes or so. It's super irritating, my movement is restricted to not open the velcro accidentally, and more importantly, my shirt is exposed when the velcro is open and when people see it, the entertainment value drops as they are reminded that there's a person inside and will remember that this green dinosaur they see is actually a human. It seems obvious, but think it as, a stranger and a furry cute green dinosaur, which one would you actually go hug?

But a more irritating thing, is this kid on saturday. He kept bugging and bugging me for the whole duration when i was in the mascot. Yes all the time, 8 hours in total. Imagine this same irritating hyperactive kid sticking along with you, asking stupid questions every half minute and keep asking you to do stupid things that you can't do in a mascot with a loose velcro.

He needs a bitch slap as well. But of course, i've got to be all friendly and lively.

(On a side note, i find it interesting that my mood and personality, especially after work, is the direct polar opposite of how i am when giving flyers and being a mascot.)

But on other times, i see that i am actually bringing smiles to both the children and their parents, so it's a good thing though.

Anyways, yesterday i almost got tricked into joining a multi-level marketing scheme. It's a company called Premier Pure. And i felt scammed, i thought i actually got a real job, but turns out when i get there, it's not an interview, it's a talking session by some girl who's very good at talking and explaining the structure of the promotion system and boasting about how much one can earn if he/she join, but she can't beat my intelligence though. I noticed she skillfully side-tracked every time i ask her about specific details about this scheme.

But i saw a schoolmate as well, and by pure chance, we were together when the mlm agent was trying to sweettalk us into it.

I kinda felt i have a duty to warn her about mlm, and today i came down hoping that i will meet her, but i didn't see her.

I guess she, as well, didn't give in to her greed and join them.

Damn it. I want a stable admin/data entry job with nice salary. But they are selling like hotcakes.

2010-12-05T21:07:00.004+08:00

Just now i bought a Sunday Times to check out the classifieds to try my luck to find a job opening in it.

And the first article i saw on the headline was "Singapore is 'happiest place in Asia'".

Nice article during this time when elections are not so far away.

Whether this really qualifies as a headline or not is very questionable in the midst of other more important things concerning the world and bigger countries unlike this oh so awesome little red dot Singapore.

Well, of course "happiest" or not, it's subjective, and the person who said that it is the happiest place here is an American author. How long did this American author stay here anyway? 2 trips each 4 weeks, 1 year apart between the 2 trips. He said he had relied on data on 3 surveys and had spoken to many known people including, well, LKY, social scientists, politicians, comedians etc.
Fair enough. But as if he can get the complete picture in just 2 months.

Lots of interesting points here.

What correlate with happiness on a worldwide scale are tolerance, status equality, security, trust, access to recreation and financial security..... Unemployment is low, home ownership is high.

Wait wait wait. Most singaporeans do not own homes. HDBs are leased from the government for 99 years. Besides housing prices are high now. You'd need to pay for 30 whole years with a double income husband and wife to completely pay off the housing debt.

Status equality, unemployment and the rest? Nah. 1. Look at Singapore's Gini coefficient. 2. Look at what the politicians (and some elites) are paying themselves. 3. Trust? yeah loh trust the propaganda and the foreigners. 4. My complaint points won't stop at point 4.

Okay Asia's pretty small. So if compared to others here then okay loh. Ultimately it is an opinion (not an established proven fact) of a US correspondent in Washington with reference to a US author, and this opinion somehow gets into the front page and headlines.

A side note, what i want is not a single party dominance ruling in singapore. I want productive and intelligent debate in parliament consisting of many parties.

So please do not say Singapore will fall without the Pro-Alien Party. (Besides, our own forefathers, not only PAP, are the ones who had built Singapore to this day)

Don't forget a government can actually have not just one party you know.

One more thing. Opposition parties and political websites do in fact have solutions instead of only complaining like i do here.

Okok i think i'll stop here. I kinda got rusty in expository writing after the A levels ended.

2010-12-04T23:01:00.006+08:00

I went prom clothes hunting today. (And i feel bad for turning down and not joining another group of friends for the same objective today.)

More or less done. The clothes didn't go as the way i wanted. Well you know, being me, i'd like to go for the special ones, since after all, wearing clothes is generally about expressing yourself and attracting the attention of others to look at your statement.

I wanted to do a "male" version of Flandre Scarlet, but a red vest and a matching shade of red pants is real, real hard to find.

She's a girl (age 495, vampire, kept locked in the mansion basement because of mental instability and insane destructive power, but she probably might be a shut-in instead) , so of course i can't find a "manly" picture of her easily.

But the colour theme is similar, red vest, white shirt, yellow tie and red pants. Simple enough, apparently. And i like red.

Unfortunately, can't find them.

I'd have to go for those standard prom glam ones. Sian.

I found a nice blazer which has similar theme as the "hot guys" in the anime Vampire Knight (i didn't watch it, but i have some idea what it is). It's seriously cool. But it's unsuitably short for me, even for XXL. I guess it's got some disadvantage being tall.

And really only left those boring sets that everybody else wears. I don't really like them, but i don't wanna waste my friends' time being wishy-washy, so i just went for someting simple.

But it's okay. The important part is about spending time with them, especially since school ended and we won't get to see each other that easily.

On a side note, Far East Plaza (and Bugis St.) aren't that really nice to get nice clothes for me. Can't find special or different ones from normal shops and malls in other town area.

I seriously want to get that pair of pants below left:

(Fan artwork, same person but different style/persona, name Kazami Yuuka)

My obsession with dressing dissimilarly with the crowd might be excessive, i won't deny that, but i thought probably i should put in more thought into it and make full use of my creativity.

Lol but of course i don't know if i have as much creativity as artistic or musical people since again, i have zero art and music proficiency, but who knows with those nonsensical lame stuff i say from time to time, i might have just a little.

Anyway, went to the arcade later. At first it was just a suggestion to go try out the Dance Dance Revolution game machine (you know the 4 arrows, up down left right stepping according to the arrows on the screen and following the music) there, but we really went to try it out.

I got experience playing the Playstation version with controllers, so i tried first before one of my friends joined me for 2 player game. The first time was more of a warm-up i guess. Using controller is way, way different from using my own legs.

I can't achieve perfect score even for simple ones. :(

But i guess it was better after that, i managed to make them say "Wah master !!" when we play "La Senorita", though i know i aren't that good, lots of misses at the front which is of course bad for a song like this, though i managed to buck up at the later end because i am a little frustrated lol.

But overall, it's damn fun (and tiring, hehe almost puked out the nice Quiznos sub i ate before that.)

I think i seem to have found a new interest for this holiday. This is a good workout opportunity; i don't like to go out jogging on the streets or go to the gym.

But it could be costly. :(

2010-12-03T11:18:00.002+08:00

And so the A levels are officially over yesterday. The unofficial one is last week after the chemistry mcq.

Cambridge rocks at exam date planning. The mcqs nice nice have to be at the very last end of the exam, and the biology one had to have a long gap between our 2nd last paper, and some of us might be torn between celebrating and studying for the mcq during that gap.
Just a random thought, why are the mcqs called paper 1 when it is the last paper out of 3 to be taken?

But of course who knows Cambridge might have some rationale behind it like allocating that 40 marks to those that have the discipline to endure the temptation to study for it. Still, they could also just be plain lazy. D:

Anyways, i recently turned 18 and can officially drink alcohol, though i can't "officially" enter a sex shop (selling adult toys, kinky stuff etc.) yet. I asked the shopkeeper there in one shop and she said the minimum age is 21.... WHY NOT 18????

I am not sure what's the difference that this 3 years can give, particularly with reference to buying stuff from sex shops.
But i acknowledge that the "slippery slope" argument might roughly apply here, i.e. "if 21 why not 20 and half, and why not 20, then why not 19, or 18, 17, 16, 15, 14.......

We are often packaged as "young adults" and told that we should now already be responsible for what we do.
I guess this "young" word is some nice qualifier, but i am not complaining about anything though.

Take note, "i am not complaining about anything".

But of course some of us are clearly not behaving as a young adult. I won't be bitching about here, i'd just say, i guess there are lots of kinds of people out there.

2010-11-28T01:32:00.002+08:00

Tidbit of the day: "Doraemon" is in fact, pronounced as dough-rah-ei-mon instead of dough-ray-mon. "-rah-" can be substituted for "la" for more accuracy, since it is Japanese.
And for those who are uninformed, Doraemon is a Japanese show, just that it got dubbed to many different languages.

But the thing is, i often get ignored when i say "dough-rah-ei-mon" instead of "dough-ray-mon" in the past.
Ignored here means it's as if i didn't say anything at all, and no one seems to hear it, and no one gives me any response. Even a -.- counts as a response, which is also not shown when i pronounce it properly.

But hey, i often get ignored this way in other scenarios as well.

It's about time i get used to it, for real.

Useful insights to learn from here? Not much. Just that communication between persons is basically not just one-sided and it's probably more effective to engage the recipient rather than to be self-centered, obviously.

That said, a look at previous blog posts could possibly hint of much self-centeredness though. Or do they?

2010-11-27T01:10:00.002+08:00

Before i received that NS letter beckoning me to go for their compulsory torture (figuratively) starting 6 May, i had already knew about my this enlistment date (through the NS web portal).

But somehow the arrival of this letter itself still made me feel sian on the spot.

Girls are lucky. They don't have to go through this shit; we waste 2 years getting treated like dogs plus all the cumulative periods of reservice training till we reach late middle-age; we waste an extra year if our ORD is past the university enrolment period (if i am not wrong); we as Singaporean guys who get wasted by NS lose our "comparative advantage" because we lost these precious amount of time and there is also the job disruption from reservice, and employers won't be happy about it.

But of course, i am not a girl, i won't be able to fully grasp what kind of "shit" girls go through that will compromise their welfare or financial security.

But ok loh NS is for defending our country and our family (and friends) mah, so responsibility loh. We are Singaporeans so bo bian.

For now, i doubt a war in our soil will be imminent seriously, even with Malaysia, since we have our almighty government to count on for diplomacy. Besides, a war isn't going to be cheap and for pragmatic governments or political parties, they will put in an even extra more effort to avoid it.

(And don't label me as being "complacent" please.)

But when the time comes, and if i can make a choice or am forced to, i am defending *only* family, friends and Singaporeans.

2010-11-25T00:03:00.004+08:00

It was a long and arduous battle with the A levels during the past few weeks. And now, the only remnant of it left is the Biology mcq a couple of days later.
But the probability of me emerging victorious is quite unlikely. I think i do have some decent memory power, but i don't think i can remember myself studying and working hard to prepare for the big As according to the plans and schedules i had set for myself from each day before.

Well, anyways, before the exams (almost) ended, i have quite a considerable amount of inspiration to blog. But after that, which is now, as the academic stress is gone, so is the inspiration.

I'd probably be having an unhealthy lifestyle now onwards just like the period after O levels, you know like cooping myself at home eating instant noodles everyday for lunch, skipping breakfast, living the nocturnal life, and having my eyes fixated at the cathode ray tube screen.

But i don't want that. I need some healthy sources of activity to channel my energy to.

2010-11-20T09:08:00.004+08:00

Contrary to popular beliefs, Japan, with its rather very "open" media content if you get what i mean, has a low rate of rape per capita (or crime in general) as compared to other countries (and i'd have to try hard to stop myself from saying "compared ESPECIALLY TO THE UNITED STATES") .

Before alleging that watching porn, graphic or not, will lead to rape, one would have to think more than twice, seriously.

2010-11-19T20:38:00.002+08:00

Hahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Nope that wasn't any moan or anything like that, but that was a sigh of relief. Econs was kinda unnerving. Glad it's over. Maybe because of the kind of subject it is. Memorise and memorise but at the same time apply to real world and use common sense and logic, and then write long long paragraphs of nonsense.

But i read somewhere that econs is a rather 'versatile' subject, where you can either deal with it with a "science" mind or an "arts" mind.

Well it doesn't matter anymore now.

My mind needs a rest.

Kenneth Lin speaks at SDP rally

2010-11-17T21:19:00.001+08:00

Nice. I hope someone will protect this promising young man from the evil clutches from some men in white, especially against LEEbel.

His speech resonated pretty well with me.

I get perplexed responses from people when i told them that The Temasek Review is a non-propaganda socio-political website for knowing especially about the current affairs of Singapore whose contents are unadulterated (and containing intelligent articles that mostly proves our generic argument from General Paper that the new media is unreliable wrong) unlike our sole state-controlled mainstream media like The Stra*ts T*mes. Responses include," yeah.... non-propaganda..."

And no, "The Temasek Review" i am talking about here is not referring to some annual report, from the notorious loser (both literally and figuratively) Temasek Holdings, which nobody knows about.

2010-11-16T18:26:00.004+08:00

And yes my prediction made on yesterday's post was right. Fat hope that i'll be able to ace it.

Be careful of what you wished for. I wished for the Cambridge papers to be difficult, difficult as in no matter how much one mugs or studies, it won't give them any extra advantage.

It'll be a little bad if they were easy. It'll be quite disastrous when we screw it up and lose to everybody else who are able to do it easily.

And today's Chemistry paper 2 and last week's paper 3 was difficult as almost how i want it to be. ( or rather, perverse because for e.g., the second question is worth 22 marks, and if you don't know what's going on, your whole question is screwed.)

But i have second thoughts. Somehow, they had worsened my depression and made me feel defeated.

Exams aside, there's a rise in gang and youth related violent crimes and slashings recently.

So, whatever happened to that super low crime rate and super safe environment and "World-Class" Everything that the state-controlled media boasted so much about?

The PAP spent $10 million on "foreign integration" but zero on local integration. And when they say "foreign integration", it is quite fishy itself. Why spent so much to "integrate" foreigners into Singapore society when there are other higher priorities concerning our very own people?

Ex home affairs minister Wong Kan Seng (who did a rather unintelligent experiment and) claimed that Singaporeans are complacent. Yeah right. Of course he wouldn't look at himself or his party to blame.

Don't push everything to Singaporeans. And neither should we push it to PRs and foreigners - obviously we can't expect them to have much allegiance or sense of belonging and community to our nation, and we can't force them to.

And with so much foreigners here by the opening of the immigrant floodgate by PAP, it's no surprise that it might contribute to such social breakdown.

$10 million won't help.

There's a limit to how much immigrant workers is acceptable here. And no, contrary to what the mainstream media and ministers always say, NOT ALL of these foreign workers are those construction workers or workers of jobs that Singaporeans don't want to take.

I have no issues of construction workers or prostitutes being China nationals.

A side note: many many many years ago i could still see policemen patrolling around the neighbourhood.
But now, no more. What are all of them doing? Stay at office shake leg? Or out "under commands" to catch dissenters who have the courage to speak up against the ruling monopoly?

I seriously hope it's really not the latter.

2010-11-15T20:58:00.004+08:00

Ok now there's much noise at the carpark below my HDB because there seem to be some occassion going on. There's this lion dance troupe in front leading a bunch of people plus a guy dressed up as a deity i think, and they are journeying through the whole stretch of the carpark.

So i am here taking some time off studying. Got sick of studying anyway. But hey, it's not like i studied with much productivity today either.

Chemistry is awfully boring, and economics is worse.

And i looked outside again, seeing the lions there reminds me of good old Wushu days and my comrades' and my amateurish lion dance performance at school events.

Which also reminds me of my cca certificate. One glance at it and i am kinda surprised at how it shows how "Chinese" i am LOL.

Wushu + lion dance + performance display in sports day and YOG visit by the Polish team + Chinese New Year performance + Wushu competition + Chinese representative in Chinese class + A Level Chinese A grade.

I am just short of Chinese calligraphy and China Studies to complete the set. Heh.

Ok back to the ground. There's Chemistry paper 2 tomorrow. (Fat) Hope i'll be able to ace it.

2010-11-12T14:55:00.003+08:00

A week of A level examinations had just passed.

And i felt like killing myself already. I didn't manage to awaken from my senses and grasp every single precious minute to study and practise.

Wasted a lot of time, and i don't think i can get all As and Bs for all subjects. Such grades are very essential, as preached many times by many teachers about the horrific truth that "No As, no Uni; No As, you're finished".

And of course this isn't exaggeration, when foreigners who make up almost half of the Singapore population are here to steal everything away from us, thanks to our awesome Men In White in the government earning awesome amounts of salary.

(Sorry but i am in a very depressed mood now.)

I know about the sorry state of things in Singapore now, and i wanted to do what i can to invoke change, reform and amelioration. But to do that, i feel, i need to be an elite myself first ironically, judging from the current trend of elitism now, and get recognised especially by the ignorant and inert people.

But it won't happen. I lost the chance for the first step to be an elite this week.

Plus the first step to my future as well.

Oh. Why don't i sell my soul and heart and go join and suck my way up to the current ruling party?? Most of the ministers get to earn shitload of money while doing virtually nothing constructive to Singapore and native Singaporeans.

One of them even managed to get away with mistakes and blunders by letting a lame terrorist (both pun and no pun intended) get away, and can still blame Singaporean citizens for being "complacent".

In Soviet Russu... NOT. In Pappy Singapore, the gahmen screws you.

A brief analysis of how bad i fared:

For the GP essay the sports question was the only one that i could write about, but unfortunately i didn't expect the sports question to come out and did not prepare for it though i was repeatedly warned by teachers about it. (apparently sports questions come in periodic cycles). And i know from experience and feel that i won't score well after reading what i wrote.

And the comprehension was worse. I did not manage to expend my fullest potential in the AQ.

So much for all the efforts i put in for GP in my 2-year career as a jc student. All the 30, 33, 34, 35 and 36 marks out of 50 essays i had achieved are meaningless. Come to think of it, i was always amazed at myself and wondered how did i actually manage to write out such awesome pieces of work.

Then i know, it's because they weren't completed within the suffocating 1 and a half hour time frame which serve against education's purpose by crippling a student's fullest potential.

One might comfort me about all the enlightenment and satori i experienced in the course of learning GP. But it's all naught in this elitism-ridden society especially when employers want either that awesome paper qualification or that "foreign "talent"" status.

Chemistry paper 3. Let's not talk about it. It's retarded. Cambridge spelled my favourite food incorrectly.

Mathematics paper 1 and 2. I got seriously depressed starting from yesterday night when i checked my paper 1 answers from a web page link typed by one Facebook comment on a status of an acquaintance.

Paper 1 was an easy paper. But yet i still got at least 35 marks worth of marks taken away. It's absolutely unforgivable. So much so that i should commit seppuku/harakiri. But it'll do an injustice to the honorable samurai code if i were to do it just because of a dumb education system.

And i even told myself that i will work extra hard after paper 1 after i get home yesterday to prepare for paper 2 since paper 1 is easy and all the elites won't face trouble doing it.

But i wasted most of my time daydreaming.

And today, i got screwed with paper 2.

I should screw myself. Literally??

2010-11-05T23:40:00.004+08:00

Well it seems there's some chance that my tone used in my previous post would be easily misunderstood, judging from what the same guy i mentioned in the previous post had talked to me about after he read it.

Well, the tone intended was pretty much a light-hearted one, something like "ehhhhh whyyyyyyyy like that one huh huh" or "NOOOOOOOOOOO~" .

But then on the other hand i would have to tone down a bit because it's kinda disgusting for someone like me to do that, especially in real life.

Why? Because my frown is awesome.

As a kind of defense mechanism evolved and selected for (WTF?? EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGY????) over time, (according to what people had observed and told me) i had somehow embedded a frown as the normal expression. I mentioned it before.

But of course i won't notice it myself, so i won't know for sure.

Anyway, be it as it may, i would try to avoid a clash of personae.

But wait. Why is there an issue of hypocrisy here when there can be a boundary and demarcation separating real and virtual identity?

And by the way, for your information, i have lost track of what my topic here is about.

Huh? FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUu- WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

In short, all hail the great Internet, one of the most awesome invention of the generation. And i mean it seriously.

I do not know what would have become of me without the Internet. For e.g., i wouldn't have ready access to biology, chemistry or general paper related materials to read for interest or for further exploration, or sometimes, to just find a solution to a question which i have no idea how to do.

And here's an image gotten from the Internet:

(Anw fyi, you can skip this whole paragraph of rant but i wanna say, it isn't just a random picture. The 2 girls in it are from Touhou, my favourite game, but it's not just a game- there's an extensive fanbase which includes (professional and non-professional) works like music and vocal arrangements of the game's awesome background music (arrangements are like a more higher level version of covers, but should not be confused with simplistic covers itself where it is merely copying) , mangas or even just a standalone image by itself like below)

"Vomiting play". Disturbing yet radical, extraordinary, intense and deep.

To quote a user from an awesome imageboard i visit on a daily basis and where i got this image from: " Punching your sister in the stomach and then eat her vomit must be (the) ultimate form of love."

It's like pouring out all your emotions into someone and sharing it with her, especially with reference to the amount of force that the body uses the expel the vomit.

Deep, indeed. No sarcasm here. Though one would have to think twice before actually doing it with anyone.

2010-11-03T22:52:00.009+08:00

The A levels are barely days away. Are you feeling the heat? (Global warming aside, though.)

I definitely am. But of course i am not in heat... Okay i guess that's a low quality joke.

So some time ago this guy said , roughly , "The PJC prelim 2010 math paper was awesome, it was easy and it boosted my morale."

Goddammit. I, instead, had serious trouble doing it. I had to refer to the worked solutions to get 90% of my answers correct.

But of course obviously i absolutely won't let any of you who aced in that paper get conceited for whatever reasons which i can only guess. Hehe.

So here's some of my excuses for your viewing pleasure:

1. I am suffering from withdrawal symptoms from the lack of coffee as my supply of coffee had just ran out. I am serious. Go research about withdrawal symptoms from coffee addiction.

2. The timing is so nice that in this period of intense time there are construction works right outside my house now. Be it right outside my doorstep for lift upgrade which they need some rather special extra construction because of the way my hdb flat is structured or right near below my flat at the field there which i have no idea what they are gonna build there.

Though on a side note, i wonder if these upgrading projects will, due to whatever reasons the rulers from the ruling party give, terminate prematurely if the ruling party were to lose the majority of seats in the next election. Of course this definitely 100% guarantee plus chop (Eew this phrase is so outdated that it disgusts me) isn't an attack on the integrity of the ruling monopoly here, obviously DUH it's so obvious anyone can tell, right?

3. I had trouble concentrating with my eyes on my ancient cathode ray tube monitor screen since the math papers come in the form of .pdf files on the computer. Okay this is a stupid reason, so let's just skip.

I just hope i am those type of people who will find difficulty in doing easy (and unconventional) papers high but not for sophisticated ones.

Still, it's more of a fat hope. And oh, i guess i gained some weight recently.... Okay another bad joke oops.

2010-11-01T14:54:00.003+08:00

Opps looks like i kinda lost my composure a little in that previous post. Probably this kind of writing form might not really be welcomed, i guess.

But the part about me finding myself being rather "talented" in conjuring conspiracy theories isn't exaggerated (and i am not implying that the previous post is exaggerated.).

Anyways, a long time ago, i was thinking randomly as usual and i thought about anime, particularly those harem types or the kind where the male protagonist somehow always gets an awesome female companion in whatever plots in the story they have.

Actually, these characters deserve what they got. Most of the time, in the storylines these male protagonist have made certain significant amounts of sacrifice or courage and are able to stand up and do things that ordinary people couldn't do. And i meant it positively.

And for that, they deserve such "luck".

2010-10-27T21:13:00.005+08:00

It's a little annoying how the latest episode of Bleach, which currently features this large bunch of people losing (plus dragging and dragging in a very, very slow pace episodes-wise) to just 1 single evil maniac (ok maybe add his subordinates as well though the latest episode showed he himself can slice up all but one of the good guys in an instant), got english subtitled within 1 hour of its tv broadcast in Japan, while this new anime airing this season, "Shinryaku! Ika Musume" featuring a pleasantly cutesy squid girl and her enthralling, interesting, sweet, fascinating and lovely encounters while on land, needs more than 48 hours to get the latest episode english subtitled.

No irony intended and i am being honest there, if you can't get the image of sarcasm dissociated away from my id.

Maybe not so much of a sarcastic person, but maybe a pessimist i might be.

S'poreans (native ones, and non-elites like those who are not politicians) are doomed. I am not saying that everything will be solved when we vote out the Pro Alien Party.
But it's a start.

Who can be so sure things will crumble when the ruling monopoly is out of power?

In fact things are already crumbling now. The first being that, don't ever mistakenly write in your AQ or essays that we are democratic.

We are not. We just have elections, and that's about it.

I can go on and on but of course i am a cautious person by nature and i am just an ordinary native singaporean and i am scared of the police or related people in the middle of the night come knocking at my door and arresting me for unknown reasons and me not being dressed smartly and the state-controlled media will come taking pictures of me in that form and write/fabricate things so that dumb singaporeans, who can't use their stupid brains to think when they read mainstream media, see my picture and then condemn me as an extremist and i will get a police record and face an even harder time finding job and surviving in foreigner-infested singapore with policies favouring the elites.

And of course everyting in that above paragraph is totally untrue and i am just daydreaming. So don't arrest me or sue me for anything or anything that you think i am insinuating because i am insinuating nothing- it's you and your own conscience who are the ones insinuating something - i merely left it open for interpretation.

Totally unrelated to the topic above, i think i somehow figured out what i am good at.

Nope not vertical scrolling danmaku shooting games, as there are far more people out there who are far proficient in them than me, so according to my logic this isn't qualified as being what i am good at.

Instead, i think i am good at forming conspiracy theories and 'thinking too much', so much so that i myself am shocked that i observed that i can actually link reasons to reasons about many, many things happening around me and in my surroundings.

Hmm let's not call it "being over-paranoid". If foreigners in singapore can be easily said to be "talents", why can't this little "talent" of mine be a , well, talent itself?

2010-10-23T14:36:00.004+08:00

I am disappointed in all the things i read about in singapore politics.

In fact, i am quite ashamed to be a singaporean seriously, especially also recently a 75 year old book author is arrested for alleged contempt of court and all the implications behind this incident, as well as other issues, particularly when election could be drawing near.

I am gonna stop, and focus on writing other boring things in (my) life here for the time being.

Yesterday was the official last day of school. But the final boss, in the form of the hardest exam in a singapore student's life - the A levels - isn't defeated yet.

But yet after that final boss, there is an "Extra boss", in the form of the cut-throat competitive society of adulthood that many had warned us about.

And to mark this last day of school, teachers (and student councilors and the principal and vice principal) put in effort to perform on stage for students to enjoy.

They are memorable, especially the 4 songs sung with awesome vocals from my cca teacher-in-charge.

But imo, the most awesome one wasn't any special entertaining songs and dance; it was the farewell speech by an awesome charismatic general paper teacher.

Never was i so inspired by anything that anyone had said, till yesterday when i listened to his speech.

Though as much as the word "Farewell" is concerned, it isn't one, in my opinion since, after all the only eternal Farewell is by the hands of Death.

But it might be a little too late if one would wait till death occurs to regret that he/she hasn't done enough.

For me? Nah i have been cursing myself to die an early death (and of course i want my death to be peaceful lol).

Despite having lots of things to aspire to and to do, i don't really want a long life, for many reasons. (and because i deserve a short life imo)

Still, i must say, there is no absolute certainty in most things; i might regret cursing myself later in life hehehe.

2010-10-15T22:33:00.005+08:00

I count myself lucky to have, by great chance, happened to land on a non-propaganda political website recently, and most likely a very good one out there.

That 'non-propaganda' word there is important. Articles written by contributors there freely criticised the pap, whom i refer to as the "ruling monopoly" (even though this term might not be correct i'll still use it anyway), with logical reasoning and justifications of course, unlike the Straits.T or the ludicrous The New.P from the singapore's "mainstream" media where it's virtually impossible (okay, to be fair, maybe i'd say " very difficult" instead) to find anything that could serve to go against the ruling monopoly.

Age has slowly transformed me into a cynic. But even i myself was quite surprised and disillusioned about the ruling monopoly when i read about the stuff there, especially about the foreign talent issues, and other things as well, which i would otherwise never get to chance upon anything like that from the propaganda.

Of course, there's always a need to question any inherent bias and tone of anything read. There may be issues like layman contributions from possible non-professionals or even it might be also possible that the free press environment it has (the website apparently doesn't disallow articles written by those for the ruling monopoly) might be fabricated.

But apparently, i am more convinced by that political website instead when compared to all the mainstream broadsheet of The Straits.T i had read in my life or all the laughable nonsensical things i had laughed at of the The New.P tabloid, or all the ten years of "national education" incorporated into school life like social studies.

When i think about this, it's interesting to note that all the long exposure to the alleged propaganda has failed to convert me to the ruling monopoly's side.

On a side note, i don't think the political arguments from the (in my opinion, rather powerless) singaporean citizens would settle anytime soon.

Those in favour of opposition would label those who support the ruling monopoly as dogs, boot lickers, or people who support "Pro Alien policies (foreign talents) from the Pro Alien Party" etc.

And those resisting the opposition and their views would likewise bash their views as not justified as well, though it's debatable if the ruling monopoly employed people to go to many political blogs, forums etc to purposely comment and say good things about the ruling monopoly.

Well, employing people as "advocates of the government" reminds me of what China did in their own country with their notorious censorship policies by their government.

Recently i read from somewhere that hints of possible reforms in China, though i think it's doubtful as well.

If it were to be true, it'll be very interesting to see when China will overtake singapore in terms of press freedom and overall quality of democracy.

I mentioned democracy, because isn't it strange and weird in a democratic country where it's citizens might have to be on their guard against being detained (in many possible reasons, ways and excuses than we can think of to get arrested) whenever they express their view or criticisms about their government?

I'm not sure if it's 100% true, but i feel that sense and atmosphere of fear.

Some time ago, i expressed interest in migrating overseas and bring my family along as well in the future.
This interest of mine is even stronger now. Yeah if many more of singaporeans were to have this view as well, it's not impossible for the future of singapore to be a future of China nationals or a paradox of being a homeland to foreigners.

2010-10-10T17:02:00.009+08:00

Eulogy. This is a rather rare word but recently popularised and used a lot (whether it's excessive or accurate or not, that's another question) by the media with regards to, implied according again to the sole media company in singapore, the important wife of one the most important man (or why not, keep it to THE MOST without the "one of") in singapore recently passed away, though there might be contentious issues about the word "important" and its degree.

Ok back to the word Eulogy. It's a bit sad that i know this word from a long time ago from one of Ali Project's orgasmic songs "Chinkon Shou", meaning "Eulogy of the Repose of Souls", but now all of a sudden everybody knows it. Yeah everybody... unless one totally rejects the singapore media.

And yeah. This is the extent of my sadness. That's all.

Of course death itself is depressing. But i don't know her personally.

Any more forced depression from myself will make me condemn myself for being such a hypocrite.

It's not that i am being unfeeling and not respecting the dead though. After all, in one of the most important man in singapore's eulogy, he apparently did complained a bit about a dead person.

To quote, he said, “In my first election for Tanjong Pagar, our home in Oxley Road, became the HQ to assign cars provided by my supporters to ferry voters to the polling booth. She warned me that I could not trust my new found associates, the leftwing trade unionists led by Lim Chin Siong. She was furious that he never sent their high school student helpers to canvass for me in Tanjong Pagar, yet demanded the use of cars provided by my supporters to ferry my Tanjong Pagar voters.”

(Lim Chin Siong passed away in 1996 according to a source.)

So i guess just approaching a bit about the topic of the wife (with the eulogies being the subject itself though, take note) of the most important man in singapore is alright as well, which is quite CONTRARY to what netizens supportive of the ruling monopoly allege, that those, who complained and questioned about the extent of eulogies whether it accurately fitted the actual contributions she made, are simply not "respecting the dead" or understanding that "a loved one had just passed away won't you guys just stop bashing for a while" or " i lost all kinds of respect for you" kind of statements.

By the way, i hate attempts to make a personal attack such as " i lost all kinds of respect for you.", to vilify someone or to make oneself seem more justified in an argument with someone else.

Back to eulogy. Apparently WanBao dedicated 8 pages to the wife of the most important man in singapore.
(Ok i am sick of typing "most important man in singapore". I will shorten it to "MIMIS")

Wow. Yeah wow.

Still, just like the New Paper, WanBao is relatively similar to tabloids. So yeah.

But if possible in the future, i'd definitely want to have that colossal amount of attention or something else similar dedicated to my wife if she ever dies before i do. It'll be awesome.

Then, there's another issue of internet anonymity, the cliche argument that i or other "complainers on the web" are " cowards hiding behind the veil of the internet blah blah blah".

Seriously, i would laugh whenever i see this argument.

In singapore, no one is an anon.

(I feel like making "In Soviet Russia" jokes, but i figured no one here understands. Even i don't completely grasp its point of humour.)

They have all kinds of means to track you down in the internet. First is that 2 racist bloggers or that racist guy who posted some racist comment on some s.networking site that so many of us use it repeatedly as an illustration to justify things.
If we are really protected by any veil of anonymity, how did the police actually find out the actual identities of them and where they are, and arrest them?

Next there's also this infamous "burning" sensation not long ago regarding the arrest of a Facebook user's comment about "burning" a certain minister regarding a certain inaugural sports event for teenagers, that the police or whoever is it interpret it (very strangely and illogically) as "inciting violence".

So where exactly is this anonymity here?

And next, the issue of "character assassination" present in the english "intellectual, non-tabloid" broadsheet in singapore, Straits Times.

A source from the web (yeah only a single source, but you can Google, extensively, to simply tell me what is lacking instead of suing me for libel) says that Straits Times and the New Paper, (as taught in General Paper where the media, sole monopoly or not, as society's 4th Estate, plays an important and essential role as a mouthpiece of the government) sometimes deploy personal attacks, subtle or not, for portraying opposition in a bad light.

A.k.a., the flaw named "Ad Hominem fallacy". Wiki it.

It's basically an attack of the messenger rather than the message, to erroneously debase the message or argument so that in this particular case, the laymen reading it who don't usually deal with arguing on an intensive daily basis might not be able to see things objectively.

From that source again (ok i suck i suffer from the fallacy of referring to just one source. But it's quite credible, objective and well-known imho. And yeah you can attack this previous sentence in any way you want, i will listen) , that Facebook "burning" sensation event i referred to just now, the Straits Time, in an article talking about this event, apparently brought out that arrested guy's past criminal record, which isn't related to his argument, and also isn't a serious crime like rape, if i were to go along with the newspaper's flow of destroying that guy.

Suspiciously, it might be an attempt to make readers not side with this guy's "complains" about the ruling monopoly and its amount of transparency over the tripled amount of money spent on a certain inaugural sports event for teenagers, and its food poisoning issues, among many others.

To be fair, this guy's record in the past has nothing to do with the credibility of his arguments and point of view.

So much for the Yellow Ribbon project.

Ad hominem fallacy is something simple that i had learned some time ago during a series of simplistic but interesting arguments in my college's web portal over the value of being instructed to come to school an hour earlier on a day when the school curriculum starts an hour later than usual, if the students could not achieve satisfactory results in their examinations.

I said so much. But i admit i am powerless to do anything. I belong to the group of singaporeans who are rather afraid to oppose openly, as you can see from all my "might"s and "may"s and "possibly" or other related words that hints that what i just said can be false or true.

Who asks us to owe our lives to MIMIS and his son (maybe even family) to make singapore earn so much money and make singapore so safe that even a one-man demonstration/protest restricted to the speakers' corner have to go sign up with the police.

On a side note, my mum always tell me to always compare with the people better than myself instead of the ones not as good as what i'd done, especially in tests and examination results.

So i find it strange when my mum, or any other nice people, who also said that why should we complain and told me to look at how bad the situation is in North Korea or some other African countries or even Thailand given its recent political instability.

So why don't compare with the best countries instead?

But you know, i am sure we all have heard something about the govt wanting to pursue an "Asian democracy" and that the western values cannot be forced to fit into a nation of small and open economy with no natural resources except foreign talents and all the mantra.

Well, either way, it's good to leave it as it is, as selfishly, it makes it more easier to write all these things about singapore in General paper application questions and essays and for Economics as well, rather than spending extra time memorising since we have been told repeatedly many times about this already.

2010-10-09T15:48:00.002+08:00

And so, for that previous post i wrote a lot, and with much flow, but then it seemed crappy though and i even had to re-edit so many times for errors and mistakes in the post. Hehehe.

I forgot to add a point that that video footage (according to the article), wasn't circulated (in terms of conventional methods) through the internet, but was circulated "among friends", which hints at the usage of bluetooth, Wi-Fi etc. phone technology.

So the author should have just written a separate new article altogether if he wants to talk about self-censorship of the internet.

So, anyway, the currency war between china's economy versus the rest of the Earth seems to be a hot issue in the news.

Some time ago, the West first complained about how china was doing so well in trade or its currency is problematic that america's economy cannot get back on their feet and recover.

It seemed to me that the proud america was like some sore loser to blame china for the problems it is suffering.

But then again, recently i read/heard that other countries are retaliating as well.

Oh well. So now it seems china is becoming more and more assertive and pushy because it has gained more power, just like how rich elites can have the privilege to put on airs eh?

I can't say much, since i myself is biased against china for lots of reasons, and you can include the territorial disputes with Japan into one of the reasons too.

And since i am more supportive of Japan, i will call it, the Senkaku islands instead of diaoyu islands, and in my general paper essay i wrote yesterday as well.

Now that sounds petty.

Well, time to study economics.... no wait, to be exact, stuffing and memorising useless boring economics info into my brain.

2010-10-08T19:08:00.009+08:00

In today's Straits Time newspaper, if i am not wrong , owned by the sole mainstream media company in Singapore and with, apparently many said, government affiliation, there's this "juicy" article about this 2 jc girls whose tryst in the school toilet was filmed by someone without their consent and the film proliferated till the school management got wind of it and took "disciplinary actions". And i think this "juicy" article is even "juicy" enough to be qualified to be a story published in The New Paper.

I read it closely, and i can't help but have some, if skeptical, thoughts about the article. Blame it on the General Paper that i am always doubtful whether something is true or not (more like, it somehow makes me distrustful of anything), whether the author's arguments are valid, feasible or sweeping or not, and detect the purpose and tone in the author's expressions.

Ok wait. Maybe i'd say, it has become a habit, but then i feel kinda lazy to criticise it so much, and also i don't wanna get into trouble.

In the first place, why would this article even appear in the newspaper? I just feel it's strange for it to be there. How did journalists find out about this incident when the school would most likely hide this incident away from the media since it could probably be embarrassing to the school admin, and the college's principal even decline to comment about everything except for a single "We would like to assure you that no one has been expelled from the school.", in her only email reply response to queries from the newspaper.

But wait, in the first paragraph the article states "..., leading to the duo leaving the school."

I thought they weren't expelled?

Well, during dinner time just now and for a long time already i was forced to watch that retarded no-logic 7pm taiwanese melodrama at Channel 8 (since my mum wants to watch it, and it's a torture i dare say), and i was pretty amazed that i can think of all sorts of plots or ploys about this incident. (because that show is just plain evil and disturbing; Viewer discretion needed, don't watch unless you have a punching bag or a stress relief toy beside you while watching.)

Of course this would all be daydream. I daydreamed about how the admin possibly "persuaded" the girls to leave "on their own accord" so they can't called it as harsh as being "expelled".

But of course probably the video footage of their tryst proliferated without their permission, so i guess they are being bullied in some sense and have to get out of school to avoid harm and insensitive people's finger pointing. ( though i think in this age, the "insensitive" people would include those old antiques who can't keep up with change and have their neurotransmitters blocked such that they can't accept new and revolutionary ideas. Why can't intimate activities between 2 girls be allowed? What's wrong with that? But i'll leave it to feminists to argue this for me.)

But the more important thing here is that, the article went on to talk about self-censorship and an apparently separate incident about another video that showed a person from that school tied up and had food stuffed in her face, which was posted online. D:

What exactly is the link with censorship + the tied-up girl video with this current incident here? I'd say there's none.

From the article, i believe that the footage of the 2 girls' tryst was filmed and circulated without their consent and could be a case of bullying.

And it's not like the girls purposely want to it to be circulated. The author cannot just lump these 2 separate issues together like that. And in the first place, it has nothing to do with the internet and how some youths are seen as exposing every part of themselves on the internet. Note that i use the word "some".

This is a very bad and illogical timing for the author to write about self-censorship here.

(I am very particular towards this issue of censorship, but of course it's partly since censorship is a topic for General Paper.)

And i can't help but suspect if he has any other reasons in talking about censorship here, given that recently there's this censorship review committee being formed to review current censorship policies in Singapore which i read about in this Straits Times a few weeks ago.

If my memory didn't fail me, i think that review committee didn't seem to get anything worthwhile changed or improved, except for the screening of R21 movies brought away and prevented from screening in neighbourhood cinema complexes.

I LOL-ed hard when i heard about that. What's the point? Come on how big is Singapore? If anyone is serious ( and stupid and lame enough to actually go watch these shows), he can just take the bus or train and would take less than 30 to 45 minutes to be able to watch it.

If my memory didn't fail me again, i also read something about how the some members of the review committee/commentator/other people suggested that what works effectively now is that we should just be responsible by ourselves with self-censorship.

And now this article here says (or quotes someone saying that) there is no self-censorship especially in youths these days.

(Now this is a sweeping statement fyi.)

I am not accusing anyone of anything, but i wanna point out what exactly is the message that the newspaper wants to tell? What is its purpose in doing so?

I hope it is not to subtly "hoodwink" people who didn't bother to think objectively when reading the newspaper to accept harsher censorship measures from the government.

And lol serious issues aside, the journalist interviewed a student who knew of this incident, and he said, "What i saw disgusted me," and also said he could not bring himself to continue watching the rest of the clip.

This is kinda... funny. It's either he's trying to act as if he's damn pure and free from corruption like a saint, to salvage the school's image or his own image i am not sure and he's told to say that to the journalist, or the author simply made it up in attempt to cater to the conservativeness and close-mindedness of the society. It could be the former.

Still, he could be gay. Oh well.

Anyway i hope i won't be derided or be subjected to personal attacks by "intellectuals" or be accused of being radical or even corrupting the "precious" "social fabric of morals in society" and have this blog taken down just like the how the 1 of the 2 girls' facebook profile was deleted and her Formspring site being taken down (which from the passive tone of the article in describing it, i am guessing now whether they are being forced to do so, which i have no way to find out. But then again, they would have to do so if this is a case of cyber-bullying so that they will not be bullied further, and also so that they won't be bugged by nosy people or journalists.)

2010-10-03T21:44:00.004+08:00

Here's today's dose of emo-ness.

Don't be so friggin' narrow-minded and deny something plainly and assume it's not true and wrong just because you never know or heard of it before with your screwed up sense of individualism and non-conformity.

...

Ok i apologise. Somehow i've begun to get pissed off at every little thing easily and small things can simply annoy me.

Still, i am pretty sure it isn't due to the big fat 'A's coming next month. It's just a product of my bottled-up feelings not let out because i am not emotionally mature to deal with it.

Studies show that adolescence can be a painful experience eh?

Hehehe.

Well anyway i'd heard of this nice phrase somewhere. It was in mandarin, so i'll roughly translate it to english.

"One would rather offend a gentleman than offend a petty, scheming and vengeful guy (in mandarin it's called "小人"). But one would rather offend a 小人 than offend a woman."

A certain category of feminists reading that above phrase may feel annoyed and angry, but it's okay.

I won't have much to justify that phrase since i currently only have one example in mind that i would like to share here.

It's pretty much risky hehehe but i'll take this chance to gamble to post here and see if i'll get into trouble.

Back in my secondary school days when i was still a complete retard/fool/bastard/(insert any other derogatory noun here), or even worse than that, but okay that isn't relevant to this now.

There is this rude pervert-cum-maniac in class (not me though hehe) whom i guess everyone had lost hope on him on becoming at least a decent person already.

He liked to disturb and trouble the class during lessons, and his presence sometimes might even irritate the past me.

Somehow, some periods of time passed and i had got the feeling that the class feels it might better if he's out of the class.

Then one day that guy apparently made a rather minor (in my opinion) perverted remark to one girl in class. Pardon my language and tone but, this girl is (in my opinion, again) one of the last girls that any pervert or at least a decent guy would ever want to touch, if you get what i mean.

And this girl went to report to the form teacher saying something like she is afraid of her "safety" around that guy because he made some rude remark on her at that time.

In this end, this guy was expelled out of class. (Forgot where he went since then, probably retained.)

World peace?

Yeah. But i went to think deeper about this incident. And i feel a little disturbed about it.

The big issue here is that i am very sure that rude pervert-cum-maniac guy was just joking around like those dirty jokes that guys laugh with each other, just that he went a little overboard by telling it to a girl.

It isn't possible that he seriously thought of raping her or something given that remark i made about her just now.

If i recall correctly little or no one defended him for a bit even though his fate might be inevitable because of his usual bad conduct.

Sometimes i myself feel guilty that i actually rejoiced over his expulsion, even though he seriously gets on my nerves. Hmm ironic?

That girl sure knows how to take that opportunity to get rid of his presence.

Scary.

I don't know if this is a good example or not, though when i read it again, i think it's not. I am not sure whether guys in reality are as scheming as they are in dramas, but it sure does seem that girls have a knack for psychological manipulation or the like (vilifying the victim, spreading rumors plus minus editing certain facts thru selection/saliency, etc).

But of course i always must qualify and say it's probably wrong since it's a sweeping statement, lest i get attacked for it.

Is this the definition of being radical?

Do i have a screwed up sense of individualism/non-conformity as well?

So, in the end, we have adolescence to blame huh?

Wait no. That'll be "vilifying the victim" then.

2010-09-26T23:57:00.003+08:00

This period of time marks a period of sadness.

Last friday i was issued retainers and was required to put them in my mouth for post-braces removal treatment.
And i seriously regret not paying attention to the nurse when she told me how often i should put it in my mouth. The next appointment is in january, so it's pretty troubling.

I checked out some websites talking about retainers, and some stressed the importance of keeping it in (if not in the worst case scenario i might have to fix braces again) and that there would be a period of time as instructed by the dentist where one has to wear it all day and after that then wear it only at night (while sleeping).

The reason why i fuss so much about it is that it is irritating, annoying, troublesome, specifically gives me trauma whenever i have to take it out to brush teeth or eat and put it back in after that, and worst of all, it makes it very hard, or rather, virtually impossible for me to pronounce words properly.

It's bad given how (most of) society sees and relegates someone who speaks like i do with retainers on to a discriminatory position.

Though websites say the speech problem will go away in a few days, it's still bad as i don't hear signs of it going away after some 2 plus days of wearing myself it.

This calls for drastic measures. Okay i am gonna bring a notepad to school, avoid conversations with my mouth at all costs, and instead write it down in the notepad for this week and see if it works.

So it also means my summary skills are beings tested as well, since my rate of response is handicapped by writing instead of just simply saying it out, and besides people also simply don't have the attention span to keep waiting for a written reply.

Anyway, this period of time is sad because i have a very strong feeling that i will do much worst in the prelim exams than what i had expected myself to do.

So far i only received my chemistry results and know my gp and biology results.

Only biology wasn't that bad. For chemistry i made way, way, way too much careless and stupid mistakes which i felt like stabbing myself when i found them out. Hmm did i seriously enter the exam hall doing these chemistry papers with a wrong state of mind??

For gp it was disappointing for me. I heard that i only managed to scrape through to get the bare minimum passing grade.
It's too low a score not fitting for my unreasonably and irrationally awesome-est and overly extraordinarily enormous ego.

Heh it seems i like to derogate myself in my blog.

So let's see about tomorrow...

2010-09-23T16:29:00.002+08:00

My economics text/notes roughly says that," In a free enterprise economy, individuals , through the price mechanism, will only consider private costs and benefits, ignoring externalities. To the individual producer/consumer, he will only produce/consume up to private efficiency and does not take into account external costs generated."

Then i was wondering, if i were to extrapolate this to real life - daily interactions with peers or members of community and all that - wouldn't it be kinda sad that people only cared about themselves and it's almost like the concept of altruism is all but a ridiculous farce.

I really hope and wish there isn't such a person and psychopath among the people i know - such person whose mind is only all about thoughts and actions to maximise his own welfare and benefits.

I don't want to know someone who would flee (silently) when his peers/"friends" are in danger, to not want to get involved and implicated along; who would actively perpetuate and influence others to follow and agree with his radical and biased opinions and narrow-minded views of the world so that he can live in denial or that people will have a better opinion of him; who is a ridiculous loser who would not accept any challenges and criticisms against himself and his own views.

Okay this is getting annoying and infuriating. I am gonna stop ranting. Oh and i am not really referring specifically to anyone in that above descriptive text, so calm your over-sensitive self down if you think i am referring to anyone in that pile of nonsense.

2010-09-21T20:27:00.002+08:00

I just watched Bleach episode 289. Well it's been a while since there is, in my opinion, that much awe pumped into any episode.

The awe does not (mostly) come from cool moves or flashy battle animations (though which i'd like to make one by myself one day), but from the dialogue that evokes emotions and feelings behind the fight itself.

This episode centers on the fight between Hisagi and Komamura versus Tousen.

And Tousen's betrayal portrayed in this episode does get some adrenaline pumping.

But i kinda wish i watched the whole fight in one shot rather than them being separated weekly.

As what many anons had said, "can't wait for the next episode to come.".

By the way, i don't read mangas as i prefer the presentation of the story more "alive" in the form of moving coloured pictures and voices. And i am kinda lazy to visualise the black and white still scenes in mangas in my mind.

So i might be a little unfortunate to not see how much a badass Ichigo is in the Bleach manga as many had said as well. Heh.

2010-09-19T21:32:00.003+08:00

Recently i've been having fun wielding (a limited) power of creation with the help of image editing softwares.

I started with the very bare and basic (but straightforward) Paint.exe before progressing to the photoshop-like GIMP.

I had lots of fun really. The thought and the process of creating something new from existing materials never fail to get my heart racing and pumping.

I guess for someone like me who has negligible artistic talent and exposure, the concept of creation attracts me a lot. (Something like opposites attract.)

It's okay if the editions i created aren't epic like paintings of some child art-prodigy who is somehow good at mashing together the right combination of paint colours and splash shape that somehow hits the right spot in art appraisers' eyes.
(as the artist/creator himself sometimes also affects whether people see their work as good or not)

So here's some of them:

There are quite some flaws in them sadly.

And much of the original content are sourced from somewhere, so it really is a limited "power" of creation.

I uploaded some of my editions on facebook, and i am glad to receive constructive comments.

And of course there's some joker who commented "you are a joke." in one of them.

Hehehe it makes me wonder if he has some motives, subconscious/subtle or not, in posting that.

For now i'd downloaded 2 more image editing programs, namely Google Sketchup and K-3D.
I haven't really understand a bit about them, but they seem different since they have 3D features and animation too.

But these 2 programs are really complicated, for me at least.

Well i guess the large amount of effort and luck in learning them and figuring them out is kinda like a price to pay to wield more creation power.

I have new inspirations right now, but i figured that the lack of depth when i use GIMP and Paint.exe seems to be a handicap to make the editions turn out nice.

So i guess i am stuck till hopefully i figure the 2 new programs out.

Wish me luck.

2010-09-18T23:36:00.004+08:00

It's been a while since i last posted.

So anyway prelims is almost coming to an end now. Not much to comment about this, though A level prelims could be said to be the hardest exams ever in students' lives.
Basically A levels itself to be completed in just 2 years in just insane.

So anyway the parts of papers in first half of prelims before the 1 week holiday break was manageable. Seriously.
Honestly i thought and almost snickered that the difficulty can even be called a "prelim" paper.

But the parts of papers after the 1 week break are disturbing. It's either i lost my mental stamina and energy and became complacent over the holidays, or the teachers who set the exam papers purposely made the disparity in difficulty very wide.

That's what i feel. Ultimately, i'd have to get back results first before i can boast or curse. Heh.

Ok actually that wasn't what i want to ramble about in this post. But i forgot about what i wanted to write originally because i was too busy enjoying a song.

Anyway, i am glad that i took biology as a subject in A levels though i don't care whether all science originate from physics and then from chemistry or whatever shit there is. It's not like someone will know biology just because he/she knows physics.

Hehe i am pretty biased against physics huh. Probably as a (unfair or not,) stereotype, biology students don't like physics and physics students don't like biology.

Oh that said, i think i should do something about my bias.

Ok this probably wasn't what i wanted to post originally as well. But oh well.

2010-09-07T23:05:00.004+08:00

I think it's kinda stressful that there is the constant feeling that other classmates might be mugging hard while i myself is slacking away or feel that i didn't seem to study enough.

Ironically the stress doesn't (mostly, like 70%?) come from the difficulty and/or troublesomeness (i hate troublesome things very, very much) of the A level education system.

It's damn scary. Oh probably it applies to me because, i admit, i am kind of a sore loser. :(

I am afraid after this week i will come across a scary person, or in fact, many, who had attained the level in which he/she can memorise and recite out notes and theories even from the reverse order and can answer critical thinking questions just like second nature.

Complaints i have now: Damn Economics is second in the list after gp to get me frustrated. Humanities isn't really my thing and i have really no idea how to score well for it.
(though on a side note, i have no idea why it is called an 'Arts" subject. Where the hell is the art in it?)

Damn this is depressing. Sometimes i can't help but think and be bewildered that, after such a long period of 1 and a half years of learning and being exposed to just 5 or 6 subjects, many of us still can't score well in tests and examinations and according to marking schemes, "show a good understanding of the subject and concept tested".

I don't know though if this is just exaggeration and underestimation of education on my part.

2010-09-03T23:05:00.002+08:00

Next week will be a one week break in between the prelim period, so probably i can take a breather for now.

Chionging through 2 days straight of intense exam (plus last minute studying) makes me lethargic.

Up to the extent that yesterday i can hardly find any mana left in me to get in touch with mathematics which was the paper to be taken today. My thought was all filled with, " Wah eh mathematics sibei sian leh i don't want to do this man."

Probably this wave of unmotivation was caused by a cold or a flu, since i feel kinda feverish myself. I suspect someone is spreading it around in the exam hall. (i'll leave you to figure if the cold/flu itself is contagious or the sian atmosphere is the contagious one.)

Anyway i won't comment about the prelim's difficulty so far. I'll wait after i got back the results before i frown or gloat.

So anyway with this break, i started to watch some anime again just now.

I watched the first 2 episodes of Ga-Rei Zero in my attempt to search for some serious non-comedy anime.

Turns out that it proved again that i can't stand this kind of genre. The 2 episodes started killing off characters already. By characters i don't mean random passer-bys. They briefly introduced them at the start and then kill them off at the end of the episode.

Well, i know from glimpses of later episodes they (might have) started explaining stuff and go into the plot already, but i think i'll stay away from it for the time being, unless someone can convince me that i won't be disappointed.

You know, i form some kind of emotional bonds with characters in the shows i watch, so it's pretty hard for me to accept deaths as it pains and disturbs me quite some bit.

So i guess it's gonna be business as usual with light-hearted stuffs. And on a side note, damn Bleach anime is going to air a filler episode next. I am only interested in Aizen.

And on another side note, i find interesting similar facial features between Aizen and that Yang Zheng Jie from that super long and disturbing melodrama 愛 when they wear their pair of black spectacles.

But probably it's just my imagination though.

2010-08-30T20:24:00.002+08:00

Hehehe i managed to complete my essay in time. And the chemistry paper wasn't that mind-boggling. Good day yesterday.

People always say i got this "mugger" face. Ok i take that as a compliment, though i don't really like people (myself included) judging others by their looks.

So i'll say it once and for all here: I don't really study as hard as everybody else does.

But now, i guess it's time to wake up and fulfill everyone's expectation of me - a mugger - ... LOL NO DON'T CONFORM TO SOCIETY...

Fyi the gp compre passage yesterday was about conformity. I disagreed right away with the author who has reservations about non-conformity, though doing this will be quite bad for the application question.

Ok. Waking up.

2010-08-29T22:19:00.002+08:00

Preliminary examinations - The Battle starts tomorrow... and it ends tomorrow.

As usual, once i am done with gp, i can be rest assured already.

Not that i am confident in other subjects though. Yes i am very afraid of gp, i am afraid of not being able to produce a full and finished essay by the short and crippling 1 and a half hours.

It has always been a mental torture for me. Not sure why. Call it the GPhobia.

2010-08-23T22:48:00.004+08:00

For a long time already, i had maintained a record of being able to wake up from my daily naps in the bus to and from school in time to alight at the school and my house's bus stop.

But the record kinda stop today. For both the bus ride to school and back from school, i actually needed someone near me to wake me up to alight.

Oh shucks i wonder if this is a sign for anything.

I hope this doesn't continue tomorrow.

Anyway i am thankful for my classmate who woke me up in the bus ride home this afternoon. But i am especially also thankful to the stranger in the morning who sat beside me in the bus ride to school who actually bothered to give me a little tap on the shoulder to signal the arrival of our destination to wake me up.

Well, i am used to seeing the cold and negative side of society, so i guess i can be awed at this thing happening.

Look on the bright side of life?

2010-08-21T17:49:00.002+08:00

And i am back to some lion dance action recently, not that it is that great or professional. Some Polish people are going to visit my college next wednesday and we are given some very very short time to prepare and coordinate some performance for them. I wonder whose fault is it. Admin sucks.

But i am not really complaining much; it's not really a burden anyway. I'd love to be back and be in company with the wushu people. I guess common interest rocks.

Anyway, this month is Ghost month. (And hence i'll be keeping Youmu and Yuyuko badges on my bag.)

And i think in this period of time i'd hear strange noises.

Like last time when i was in a hotel room in malaysia at night and i keep hearing some deep "Heyyyyy" voice throughout the night. Somehow, it isn't scary but funny, that i think my friend who was in the same room there has some strange snoring or nasal problem.

Or like yesterday in one of the classrooms in the library during a math lesson i keep hearing mechanical sniffing noises that seem to originate from the ceiling.

I believe in the supernatural, though i think that above scenario is more like the guy behind the school's or library's PA system who caught a bad flu forgot to switch the microphone off when proceeding to do other desk work. Either that or there's some ninja or agent crawling in some secret tunnel above the room's ceiling doing some reconnaissance work.

Hmm. （￣～￣;）ウーン・・・

Ok time for some real whining here. Some posts ago i lamented about the multitude of bias that makes life sucks. While they may really make life and even societal interaction suck, i guess there's really no way to completely eradicate all these. To try to remove bias is like trying to be like a Superhuman or a divine being, which i wonder how long it'll take to achieve such enlightenment.

Well anyway sometimes i feel the kind of upbringing of the child in the family (regarding the bias the parents themselves have and the schism that divides the parents' viewpoints from the subject they are biased and discriminating against) can affect how biased the child turns out to be.

I wonder if it's really true. Gotta check it out.

Meanwhile, be inert against polarisation.

......

Lol i guess i had just rambled shit in this post. (o￣∇￣o)

2010-08-12T21:18:00.002+08:00

Chocolates! (I like white chocolates fyi anw.)

Chocolates are awesome because there's a statistically proven positive correlation to increasing happiness level in our brain when eaten, though the exact details might not be clear yet (to me at least).

I.e., hedonism.

Wait, if eating chocolates can stimulate happiness, why not use it to promote world peace?? C=

Who knows, if we spam those radicalised terrorists/violent criminals with chocolates, be it through direct injection/artificial insemination/blood transfusion/chocolate missile/chocolate bullet/chocolate sword slash/chocolate armor tackle/chocolate beam/chocolate hadoken/chocolate kame kame ha/chocolate Tenshou/chocolate Senbonzakura Kageyoshi/chocolate bomb/artificial chocolate rain/chocolate radiation, then they might stop propagating violence, and instead, propagating happiness.

But of course reality isn't as easy as this right? Yeah reality sucks. Just wiki about all the different form of cognitive bias of people in society and i challenge you to memorise every single definition of each and every form of bias that people often commit all the time.

Oh wait i think there's no link to anything here about that.

Ok since i am touching on this area of psychology, why not try another challenge: Wiki or Google about Psychological Manipulation and see if anyone in your social circle is doing that, subtly or not, subconsciously or not, innate personality-wise or not, or, if you truly believe in world peace.

2010-08-06T21:10:00.002+08:00

Whenever i come across this biology chapter of evolution, i always have this gloom and dark afterthought that ponders if certain concepts of evolution does apply to us humans as well.

According to Darwin's theory of natural selection briefly, "many individuals fail to survive and reproduce, and there is a 'struggle for existence' within a population." , and " In the 'struggle for existence', those individuals showing variations best adapted to their environment have a 'reproductive advantage' and produce more offspring than less well-adapted organisms.

i.e., Natural Selection.

I guess if those concepts are projected to human societal life, it kinda makes sense that life is practical.

But the 'reproductive advantage' part is a little disturbing. Maybe substitute it for "have a social advantage and more able to find a partner/mate" , because many will argue that life isn't all about sex and "passing down of alleles to the next generation" or misogyny or miso soup.

Anyway it's kinda in human nature or dna to form communities, so i guess it's comforting to know this idea might/can change the rules of the game of nature.

But in this idea of communities and the games of nature and practicality, is it fair that someone who used to be so "good friends" in a clique and then all of a sudden, changes clique for whatever reasons she have like maybe for practicality and the assumption that this so-called "betrayal" confers benefits and advantages especially when the A levels are coming and needs to join the "mugger" group.

People did warn that "You don't find real friends/soulmates in a jc.", and i might be a little harsh up there and probably even presumptuous and audacious of me to judge that.

Anyway, i actually want to believe that there's all peace and harmony, and that it's what everybody wants rationally.

But i won't have much say in all these matters; it's not really my business anyway.

Thanks for reading my nonsensical rant.

2010-07-31T21:51:00.003+08:00

It all started with a queue in the canteen for food, and maybe also a cheerful heart. But it ended with bloodshed.

Why? What's the link?

Probably tensions were high and taut due to this stuff that i often quote and complain that because of a recent change generated by TPJC's heartless timetable software, from 8am to 5pm of curriculum lessons on thursdays, there is only a small little pathetic break of 9am to 9.30am. Maybe add another 15-20minutes for the math teacher kind enough to take some of her lesson time to grant us a short lunch break at 1.35pm.

In short that thurday was, to speak in popular jargon, "Cui", especially when (i had already told you in the previous post that) i only had less than an hour of sleep that previous night.

Ok back to the main story.

But wait, i wasn't even clear of the unfortunate event that happened on thursday, according to a certain someone whom i had argued with on a certain website and at the same time trying to figure out ways of debating, arguing, and influencing. (Apparently it failed though.)

Indeed i might have no full knowledge.

How could we 4 apparently dumb guys ever knew the simple act of jumping queue on a high-tension thursday morning can cause so much of a backlash and so much of a strong reaction from some female classmates involved who were queuing at the same stall.

And because of this "ungentlemanly" act we committed as one of them claimed, the girls left the queue in anger halfway joined another queue which was likely to be inferably longer.

And apparently some couldn't finish the food in time and one starved till afternoon or evening.

"Because of you, ** didn't get to eat", said some girl.

Now those 9 words are disturbing. Label me as a misogynist or a bastard, but i fail to comprehend how one couldn't have enough time to buy food when there is a delay of 4 times 30-35 seconds because of the jumping of queue, and on top of that, i don't think that half hour break was even half gone at that time.

Ok i won't deny the possibility of this fact being skewered because of my crippled ability for judgement due to lack of sleep.

But more importantly, i personally don't aspire to be a gentleman or the like in school. I don't see the importance, especially in a setting like a school and even TPJC.

You'd say, my behaviour is a reflection of my morals and values or character as a person. But no. Morals and values are something much higher and it'll be overkill to equate jumping of queue to all that.
And no don't mention about the consequence of a girl starving because of all this; refer to my (selfishly logical, if you insist) argument 3 paragraphs before.

Besides, at that time after this unfortunate incident happened, there was some solemn atmosphere in the guys' dining table as if one of us was involved in a grave accident or was gravely injured by a down-burst uprooting a tree and made it crash on us.

We realised we could have gone too far in a moment of folly.

And one of us actually went to apologise to the female party involved and wanted to make amendments.

Apparently he was rejected. OK i recognize that probably females have some form of pride in the form of tempers or whatever term or adjective used to describe the cliche abstract idea of females being something mysterious.
But we see the situation like that we also sian already.

What can we do to salvage this sticky situation?

If it still persist when the next week starts, it's gonna be a problem as the gravity of guilt is gonna affect studies and quality of school life, like how i, the selfish bastard, might start to suspect and speculate that some invidious mastermind is actually pulling the strings in pumping in guilt like some ATP-dependent transmembrane pump in the cell and dividing the class/sexes by influencing others with her words as if she was some protease.

But of course it ain't gonna be true. I am just thinking too much as usual..... well, unless i haven't learn the lesson of naivety.

Anyway, from my own limited and sometimes biased experience, i expect some bitching about me or us to take place by certain females, and it might even be ironic.

If it really happens and i happen to get wind of it happening, i'll be very, very disappointed , much disappointed than i am now.

Actually, to be honest, i don't have enough emotional maturity, as seen from how i write this blog post. I have much more to learn.

So for now, i am the myopic retard who can't fathom how small things like a queue can be sensationalised to such an extent as we might have thought.

On a side note, i am ironically also the myopic retard who shuns other myopic retards who can't appreciate things, who can't put themselves in others' shoes, and who keep making fun of people and strangers around for simple reasons like looks.

2010-07-29T22:19:00.002+08:00

Staying up late through the night is bad for the body and mind. Knowing that, i still left a very difficult gp essay question( at least for me, it was "How far should Singapore emphasise building a national identity in her ASPIRATIONS to become a global city." Take note i specially noted ASPIRATIONS- it's a very special word in Singapore politics some time ago) to tackle last minute last night, till 4am.

Went to bed at 4am, heard my first alarm rang at 5am, and the last snooze of the multitude of the usual alarms at 5.30am.

And thus, i feel the extreme opposite of enthusiasm for school today, and i did not want any troublesome incident to occur to further kill my day.

But an incident still occurred. It's a miracle i didn't snap or lose my temper despite feeling the crankiness, grouchiness and eccentricity from the lack of sleep.

For now i think i would not elaborate on the details - my level of fatigue now when calculated with the graphing calculator gives an "ERROR: OVERFLOW" message.

It's just that the small things and details of stuff that we often overlook can very well be a contributing factor for rifts, much as we lament it as lame, wasting time, no point or sensationalism.

With interaction, communication and socialising being quite a fine art of subtlety (to me), i feel even more inclined to just stay away from everything( like a coward), avoid all the possible shit and get on with life smoothly by being anti-social or maybe less social.

Today i felt really jaded, sick of all these things and tired of life (i do have some form of conscience, and these incidents stick to me and make me ponder over them for like, forever over and over again).

Maybe it has got to do with me having less than 1 hour of sleep today (not including sleep time in bus rides to and fro), and today being the usual stuff that TPJC dishes out in their timetable thursday torture (TTT), and in today's context, my class having only a half hour break at 9am and then from 9.30 to 5pm no breaks at all.

Ok sleep.

2010-07-25T20:22:00.003+08:00

Recently i think my aspirations and dreams kinda expanded. No, not Inception related.

I wanna be some researcher/engineer relating to biology or chemistry and discover novel ways to increase quality of life.

But then, i also want to be a fighter jet pilot and be proficient in dodging missles and projectiles in the air just like how i squeeze and maneuver through Touhou Danmaku bullets (and lasers, that sometimes are homing and curvy too and i was like "WTF how can anyone dodge it" when i first saw them)

Example:

But then, i also want to be a pyrotechnic and design physics-defying dazzling fireworks as beautiful as Touhou spellcard patterns of bullets (and the WTF lasers), to light up and inspire everyone's heart when they see them.

But then, i also wanna be some godlike musician to be able to skillfully command my voice and musical instruments like piano, violin and guitar at will, and rock my life and others as well.

But then, i also want to be some sort of a linguist and able to be apt at communicating in many european and Asian languages and understand unique qualities of each language.

On top of all those, i also want to get close to mastering the depths of human psychology, how the mind and emotions of the self-proclaimed smartest being on Earth work.

So many things i wanna do and get my hands on, but maybe it all starts from the goddamn sickening A levels.

And then after that, maybe i will invent some sort of drug that can allow us to choose not to sleep but can still regenerate our body and mind as they do while we're asleep. Oh wait, i think this drug is highly likely to create more problems than the benefits it will give.

Ok anyway, i watched Inception last friday. I gotta admit, it's an awesome movie. I've never watched anything like this for quite some time already.

But it left the audience interpreting the ending by themselves, whether the protagonist has successfully live a happily ever after life, or it was all in his dream all along.

But i won't get troubled by this kind of ending. Guessing and interpreting is what i usually do everyday, so i'll just guess what happened to the protagonist in the end and treat it as it is.

I guessed a happy ending for him, that his top will stop turning which shows that he is not in a dream. After all, i like happy endings.

Unfortunately, i am ironically a pessimist and i doubt life is as forgiving as the way i wanted it to be.
Call me weak.

2010-07-18T03:34:00.006+08:00

Mid year exam results are back. And i am quite disappointed in it. I set high expectations, but then the thing is my effort isn't really proportional to the expectations.

On average i only spent 3 days studying for each subject of 1 and a half year of syllabus of 4 subjects during the June holidays.

I must get rid of this "student syndrome".

Had a little chat with the biology teacher, who is also my civics (form) tutor, on thursday unintentionally. I had some biology questions to ask at the end of the lesson, and after that the topic changed to her concerns for the not-so-good exam results of the class.

I am not really fond of such chats with someone my senior and with some authority as i have to be extra extra careful than usual in my words, which i usually show little restraint in.

That aside, to summarise, she was kinda at a loss as to why the class is able to answer questions properly in class tutorials but not during examinations, and wants to find out what else she can do to help the class.

Not that i have any brilliant ideas in mind anyway. Study smartly and listen attentively in tutorials loh.

Lol i am able to say that but i don't really practise what i preach.

Well anyway i guess that chat has made me more mature for a bit in terms of motivation to study. So it's good in one way or another.

Singapore's (or Cambridge's, it's causing us problems) education system might need to change. It doesn't have to be that stubborn and rigid.

(On a side note, I don't get why in gp comprehension answers we have to rephrase the words from the passage if we wanna use it as part of our answer even though the question did not state "use in your own words" unlike other questions. If this is the case, what's the point of even putting "use in your own words" in some questions since we have to rephrase for every single question? Either that or my college kay kiang go request for it to waste time.)

But the public is ignorant, we need some sort of proof (paper qualifications) to show them we might have what it takes more than others for the job.

The part where paper qualifications are a proof might be a little insignificant in the future i think, but my stand that the public is ignorant won't change. Besides, isn't it taught in economics that they don't know what good is good for them?

Plus, i have some complains about them judging students (long, dyed or untidy hair, and "public showing of affection" etc) but i won't elaborate.

2010-07-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

Some say death won't solve any problems.

But i think it does. Once he dies all of my problems will be gone, and i can lead a peaceful life without unnecessary retarded nonsenses and troubles which are just stupid beyond reason. No one will ever believe such a dumb and selfish person exists who would actually do all these shit, except for me and the persons involved.

Even i feel ashamed.

Tch if only it's as easy as in Yugioh card play for me to use a Magic or Trap card to "Send target to Graveyard" or "Remove target from play", my life will be so much better and easier and enjoyable and [insert positive adjective here].

2010-07-05T00:22:00.002+08:00

Oh wait, yesterday i forgot to mention, that host at Cosfest on saturday sucks. Seriously.

When he introduced a performer that was going to sing Bad Apple!! on stage, he said,"... ... from Touhou, oh that sounds like a bad word...."

What the fuck. He should get sacked. How can a host hosting an anime/game event not know about the things and field he is hosting about? Even if he is from singapore, it doesn't excuse him from this sin, no pun intended seriously.

I feel the over-zealous fanboy soul in me burning with passion already. And i believe a handful of fellow fanboys who bothered to listen to that host felt the same too.

From then on i don't really bother listening to him and all his comments that were apparently meant to be funny but failed to generate any effect on the crowd.

*sigh. Some people just don't know how to appreciate things.

That said, i won't have anything against korean dramas. To each his own. Actually after all, to be able to direct such production in addition to garnering an amount of popularity is something to be respected at least.

That's all for today's blog post. I had thought of some topic to post about, but i think i forgot about it.

So, here's a special dedication to the rugby-loving guys of 09S07. (Though i didn't really disclose this blog address to everyone lol)

It's the 7th episode of Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu which i have been watching and enjoying recently. It's an awesome series, but Fumoffu is the second season between Full Metal Panic itself and The Second Raid.

But this episode is funny enough without much prior knowledge, just that the main guy, Sagara, is a pure military guy with little common sense and is on a mission to guard a girl who holds top secret and important info. Fumoffu basically centers on the funny things that happen when Sagara is on this mission, mostly in school.

2010-07-04T01:50:00.000+08:00

I've been exposed to the A level subject, General Paper for one and a half years now. Ignoring the fact that i haven't been doing well in it for unknown reasons, i think i might have learnt to appreciate things, and see things more openly, that there is always "another side" to the situation/occasion/event/thing in question.

I had said it so nicely, but then with regards to that korean drama currently showing at weekdays 7pm Channel U, i can't seem to not have bad and negative thoughts about it.

My dinnertime is at 7pm, and my mum wants to watch, so i'll let her. So, everytime i watch it, i have thoughts like "omg wtf i wanna punch that bitch and teach her a lesson or two" or "wth i want someone to tell me why do people like to watch this kind of show" or "i need someone to teach me some self-restraint to stop me from inventing some device to 'enter' the tv programme to murdur that bad guy/bitch and then laugh at the viewers before coming out."

The cast named "Min Xiaozhu" has redefined the noun "bitch" for me.
Gosh, how more annoying can she get?

And that father who own that media company also. His racism against his so-called lower class people can compete with some americans already, or certain racist singaporeans even (lol about this).

And his second wife-to-be also. Her voice simply screams "chinese dub fail". It sounds SO irritating, more irritating than her personality and her face. (Anyway, i feel dubbing on originally Japanese or chinese shows also does harm on the original content and the "flavour" is lost.)

Damn my blood boils just thinking about all this.

Wait, maybe one of the reasons why people want to watch these genre of drama is to experience some serious, or extreme, emotions, to feel for the people in the drama?

Hmm i need someone to enlighten me and shift me away from my prejudice against korean dramas.

Oh anyway, the Cosfest i went today was decent. Nothing too bad and nothing too good. A little glad i saw some Touhou stuff sold in the booths. But then i wished there was more, like large posters or $60-$75 range of figurine on sale or T-shirt prints.

But still, i feel i shouldn't spend so much on this kind of stuff after all, since i don't have my own income yet.

I want work. But i want time too. D:

2010-07-02T23:29:00.003+08:00

Eh. I'd took quite a long break from here hadn't i? Hehe.

Mid year exams were over yesterday. Well, the amount of confidence i have after finishing the exams was assuring; i have confidence in getting some satisfactory scores in them in all BUT one subject, which is Biology.

Damn Biology just had to be the last paper, when i don't have much stamina left. Econs would be a better choice for the last paper because i don't care about it. Moreover that Biology paper was in the morning, unlike math and chem, so it sucked without some morning last minute studying.

Biology was kinda important, cos, eh, the teacher is demanding, and it would be troublesome to not produce an (impossible) A grade after one and a half year of her many expectations.

D:

Oh wait, confidence isn't enough. I still gotta depend on luck. (No, not my own ability though ha.)

Anyway, there's this anime event at downtown east and also another at *scape. I wanna go, but yet i don't wanna go.

Hmm, sophisticated.

I wanna scout for Touhou stuff. They are kinda rare to be sold directly here, as they are usually gotten by importing from shops from Japan. But i heard from someone that he bought a figurine at last year's Suntec toy convention for a reasonable price, which gives me some hope to get some for myself this time round.

But then, frankly speaking, i am the type who is lazy to leave my seat in front of my computer and get out of my house, even if it is to get myself some lunch to eat. And i think it got even worse after the holidays.

I worry about my future.

Oh well. Until tomorrow then.

2010-06-20T23:47:00.001+08:00

Have been busy procrastinating recently. Exams coming right up after this holidays.

And i haven't even touched on econs one bit. I hate that subject. The most sian subject ever.
My college boasts large amounts of good grades for last year's batch of H1 econs students.

I don't think it's gonna repeat this year for us. I've got a friend who is in a worse predicament as i do because his econs teacher really suck. Not being insulting but he really suck at teaching.

Oh the friday 2 days ago i went to Teo Heng to karaoke with a group of friends + a teacher. It was great but damn i felt some regret after it ended.

I didn't expect them to have Bad Apple!! (by Masayoshi Minoshima feat. Nomico) in their song list. For the uninitiated, Bad Apple!! is an awesome song with an even more than awesome shadow art animation.

BUT UNFORTUNATELY, i haven't really been in touch with this song recently and I FAILED TO SING IT PROPERLY.

Damn it.

And another regretful thing is that i forgot to remind them to camwhore in the karaoke room, and also not forgetting, to record a video of my 'performances' haha. :p

Oh well. Better luck next time then.

What 'performance' you ask?

Well, first i mimicked Takuya of UVERworld in their PV of their song GO-ON, and sang the song. It is one of my favourite songs with vocals. Though i think i still have a long way to go to be in syncro with him (obviously haha).

Next i sang an one-of-a-kind chinese song called "Zi Yue" by Pu Xue Liang. Its quite an enlightening song with references to Confucius.
But more importantly, it has one-of-a-kind rapping parts in the song that has made someone like me to challenge it. I think i need more practice though.
Go check it out in Youtube if you're free/interested.

Then, there's got one time when my friend selected "It's my life" by Bon Jovi for the teacher who joined us. For your info, he has imba vocals and can sing much higher notes as compared to the tone he uses for teaching everyday.
He sang "It's my life" for awhile but gave up though.

And i continued the song for him... with my awesome RAGE voice. RAGE voice, as in you know, a bit like those hardcore emo vocals, those screaming kind, but of course i don't dare to say my level is as high as pro screamers.
And ironically, i don't really like to listen to those kind of vocals in any song.

But hey, i think me screaming might turn out fun. I ended up screaming and sang (screamed) a... ... rather interesting rendition of the song.

Ah. Exams coming next week. Actually i am a free and easy person, i do what i like according to my mood.

So let's hope i can get into the mood of some last minute studying.

2010-06-13T16:51:00.000+08:00

Oh my gosh last night i dreamt of something extraordinary.

I dreamt that i cross-dressed. D: ... and that i did it very well too.... the costume, the hair, the make-up, the legs especially and etc.

It would be amazing/amusing if i can replicate here in real life what i saw myself in the mirror as in the dream. There's no way i could pass off as a girl in real life because my facial features are kinda screwed.

I forgot the reason why i cross-dressed in my dream anyway, but the location was familiar in the sense that it had appeared for quite handful amount of times already. So far i can't recognise the place yet, but maybe in the future i might see it in real life as a case of deja vu.

Well anyway most of the time, if not all, we won't remember much of what we dreamt unless it's a nightmare. because often we would wake up all of a sudden in the middle of the nightmare and so the image of the nightmare was still registered in the brain.

Which was why i feel a little amazed/amused by someone whom i had eavesdropped ( i like to pay attention to what people are saying/conversing, but too bad my hearing seems to be damaged quite badly ) 2 or 3 times to be narrating what he dreamt to a certain girl/girls with much detail.

Though i am not saying he's making up and telling a story to flirt/ entertain the girl he (might) fancy, so don't take offense.
(HAHAHAHAHA *does the annoying orange face*)

Actually i would like to believe that he knows how to remember his dreams. I experienced lots of deja vus, and mostly i felt that these scenarios happen in my dreams before, like that time when i was taking the gp essay writing promo exam last year at the hall and while writing halfway i looked up at the glass panel at the top of the hall and realised i was 80% sure to have dreamt about this scene a long time ago wondering where the hell was that place i dreamt of.

I might want to ask him how to remember dreams, so that it might give me clues about my future.

2010-06-09T23:05:00.000+08:00

I am back from Wushu camp this evening.

There's no need to talk about how good or bad it was run by the new batch of excos. The effort is there. I appreciate it.

Anyways, i kinda enjoy the 'flour' treatment in that nightwalk with stations. Most interesting nightwalk i had walked. Lol it made my hair look damn cool.
Might wanna show it here after the photos are being uploaded.

And anyways the jc2s officially stepped down. Not that i do much work as a quartermaster anyway (my trait for irresponsibility is inherited, but that trait is codominant with a conflicting trait inherited from my mum...), and i am kinda ashamed since no one (directly or indirectly) says i am a slacker haha.

Good times sure end fast. I like their company, for many reasons which might be inconvenient to write it all down here.

Anyways changing the subject, one of my favourite Touhou music arrangers is Sonic Hispeed Omega/Sonic Hybrid Orchestra ( abbv. SHO).

Most of their pieces are awesome in the way that they get my adrenaline pumping.

I heard their songs have many references. Like references to Dragonforce for examples.

And so just now went to yuutube to find some of their pieces to listen. I do not really like male vocals, but still, i came across "Through the Fire and Flames", and i find it awesome.

Guess this song will join the rare amounts of other english vocal music that i have in my playlist.

Ok this post will be short. I slept at 3am in the classroom today after 2 hours of overnight studying at the camp lol. Plus wake up at 5.30am later to go for gp tuition at 8am.

I thought i can last through the whole day with a can of coffee before i started that overnight studying, and one before my gp tuition.

My eyes were wide open and i am successfully awake, but then after that, after the tuition i went back to the camp, the 'side-effects' start coming at about 1pm onwards.

Still, i've been using the computer since coming back home.....

I am kinda pathetic. D:

2010-06-07T00:38:00.000+08:00

I had a copy of Red Alert 2 and Yuri's revenge a long time ago.

I didn't really play it much, since i suck at real time strategy games and i often give up on those seemingly difficult campaign (at least to me) mission objectives feeling frustrated.

But i re-read the storyline just now, and it was awesome. Not only it made fun of the Cold War (in my opinion) by parodying it with alternative endings and events, but it also did it well.

I kinda wish i still had that RA2 disc with me. Oh, wait i think i borrowed it from a friend in the past.

But well, i am pretty pessimistic about playing it because of my cpu's specifications. I wonder if it has the capacity and disk space to run it.

And yes, RA2 is a very old game. This shows how lousy i think my cpu is. I won't even think about RA3.

Still, the cpu was given to me free though. So i can't complain much either.

Oh wait. I almost forgot i'll have to study. If not, i will die horribly in the possible insanely difficult examinations coming after this holidays, and the confirmed godly difficulty of the prelims.

Recently i tried out a Hwa Chong prelim H2 math paper and gosh, almost every question i'll have to flip back to refer to the solutions, and sometimes i don't even understand the solutions.

I hate math more and more now. Plus i have been doing too much statistical math over these few months, and i forgot almost everything about pure math.

This sucks.

2010-06-04T00:15:00.000+08:00

The current second song in the playlist, "The Night of Eternity" is becoming more and more of a earworm.
Cool.
I like the repeating tune at the beginning of the song.

I guess if the song is really awesome to someone, he/she wouldn't mind listening to it over and over for 693,258,699 times.

Musicians are inspiring.

I wanna be as inspiring as awesome musicians. (Metal composers, for my case. An irony lol, if you know my surname. Yeah metal... tin... and oh, iron.)

So, the total opposite of inspiring would be those over-zealous evangelists, and preachers preaching (be it being a subtle underlying message behind what he/she said or not) in the wrong places, like in school, in the lecture hall, by the lecturer.

Until recently, my college's biology lecture was on evolution. And half the time, the lecturing was saying," Ah, i don't believe in Neo-Darwinism.... i don't believe this, but Cambridge requires you to know... i don't believe in modern concepts of evolution... the fish become bird then bird decided to not fly, and stay on the land blah blah blah..."

I hate this kind of preaching. She's trying to influence us through her subliminal messages that her religious belief of the concept of how Man came about is the absolute truth, when not all of us belong to her religion.
And she absurdly used a crappy analogy to illustrate about modern evolution which she doesn't believe in and repeatedly said so.

With an analogy that crappy, of course she would give the impression to us that modern evolution is not the case.

Too bad for her i am sensitive to such attempts to influence me. The more she tried to influence us, the more angry i got and the more i will go to the non-believer side. ( well you know, i am ex-Boys' Brigade)

And moreover, she mentioned that if we believed in modern evolution, we would just be like those americans who are racists and claim that the whites are more superior than the Asians in the recent issues about the Neanderthal.

Well i'd be totally on the lecturer's side if she's against the americans (and i don't like such americans/westerners), but her making such links between us believing and the whites is too much, seriously.

But well, she's got the power since she's the lecturer and a trained biology teacher who had taught in the college for quite some time already.

So no choice.

So, next time maybe i would work towards being some influential guy in the education ministry and tell them not to preach or make any references or propagate stuff about his/her own religion directly and indirectly.

Hmm maybe i'll aim towards being a life science researcher/innovator by day, and a rocker by night.

Cool.

2010-06-01T17:50:00.000+08:00

The Japanese people are kinda under fire by foreigners that they eat whale/dolphin meat or whatever.

The message i get from one facebook comment which says "Japanese ppl eat dolphin meat. BOOOOOO!", is that they suck just because some of them eat dolphin meat, and the culture sucks or somewhere along that line.

I am generally against such statements. (After all, what exactly do we learn gp for??)

Well, the commenter might just be joking about it, so i won't really use a serious tone either.

But i just wanna say, if i were to go along that line of argument, aren't people from other countries suck as well?

Examples if i were to make such similar biased judgments as well :

The China people sucks because they eat dog meat and other [insert animal here] meat as well. China people pollute so much of our Earth. China censors their net etc.

americans suck because their food isn't that great or healthy either. Their food shortens life. Watch "Supersize Me". And american politicians make so much drama in the 2 factions of the government and they are wasting so much time disagreeing with each other rather than focusing more on citizens. And america is second in terms of polluting the environment. And who knows what their MNCs are doing in other parts of the world.

malaysians suck because they bullied singapore especially in the past and in politics. And they also suck because they everytime come from johor to woodlands there and steal and rob our money.

Singaporeans suck because they are such unfriendly and impolite bitches. And they go around spitting on the bush, drain, school soccer field etc and people smoke the cigarette everywhere and then anyhow throw the butts and some of the public buses are dirty like hell that i would die from dirtiness if i were to accidentally touch the dirty parts of the seats. So much for a Garden City.

Aren't i unforgivable for making such statements?

Exactly.

That's why i feel ' a bit uncomfortable' when i saw that comment on facebook on someone's status.
Yeah... 'a bit'...

I am trying not to always take things too seriously.

Relax, and say "Whatever".

2010-05-30T03:00:00.000+08:00

"Familiarity breeds contempt". No matter how pessimistic i am, i don't really want to believe this phrase is true.
And there's a high probability that this isn't true, as there's so far only 1 person whom it applies to, and it's a special case too.

Nah, i could just be thinking too much, with my flawed personality.

Wanna do some hypothesis testing?

The number of mood swings that i have is thought to have a mean of 3 per month. However recently i felt my personality and mood has gotten more erratic. To examine my claim, i took a sample size of 5 months of this year and.....

FUCK STAT MATH.

Ok i shouldn't dwell on this for too long.

For a conversation/communication, they are often 2 sided and there's no room for self-centeredness.

I might have realised it too late eh.

And so naturally if i go about ranting all things about myself, it probably wouldn't interest you or the person i am socialising with at all. And certain types of people will show a very clear (at least to me with special observational skills) kind of face that reflects disinterest and indifference if you don't satisfy his 'emotional needs'. And he will keep sticking to a person who can do so, and also at times, he will almost completely ignore what the guy who doesn't 'interest' him says, probably because of different ideologies, different attitude, different way of life, being exposed to different cultures ( Eastern vs western), different mindsets etc.
So much so that i think this type of people is gay, especially if the person who 'interests' him is a guy.

Hmm what was i talking about in that previous paragraph??

I guess you don't have to comprehend it. I am not used to staying up so late (now it's 2.51am) and my mind might be haywired now.

But no, i still believe strongly in the things i believed in and i won't let any guy influence me, even if he is being unintentional and is subconsciously incorporating them in his conversations.

Oh what the hell what am i talking about again.

I guess you can take it as i did not post today.

I am gonna try to look on the bright side of things from tomorrow onwards.

The solution? Easy. Just look for an alternative and get out of where you are now.

2010-05-27T21:50:00.000+08:00

I am adding another song to the playlist: Meteralice by MyonMyon and Pizuya's Cell.

It's the instrumental version. I came across the instrumental version first, before listening to the one with voices, and i say i prefer the instrumental version much more because the vocal version is the male emo screaming type of vocals, and i don't really like it.

The song is superb without the vocals for me.

There's a sour piano note at around 0:13 and the piano conclusion at the end. I don't know whether it's intentional or not, but i feel the sour note is at the right place at the right time somehow lol.

Anyways, yesterday i attended tpjc Band's concert at the victoria concert hall there. Not really that great in my opinion, and of course i've seen and heard better ones.

They could have did more music pieces that are more popular with the laymen. I think it could have yielded more results.

But a guy in the percussion unit stood out a bit. I can feel some passion in the way he did the drums.
And the thing is, he is my classmate lol.

Still, probably other instruments can't give out that feeling of passion is because it's simply difficult to do so for many reasons, like the difficulty and the need for synchronisation maybe?

Oh anyways, i scored my Napfa gold yesterday too, if i didn't see the score requirements for gold wrongly.

Well, it's the first ever Napfa gold i ever had in my life. So, you might understand the joy i had.

For some unknown reasons my stamina has always been bad.

But i really did push myself for the obvious reason common to everyone which is that i don't want to waste 2 months of "After A-level Madness" for singapore.

(on a side note, i want to migrate to Japan or someplace else after i graduate, either to study or settle down there. I don't wanna stay in singapore. The thought somehow turns me off. But it doesn't mean i had forgotten my roots. Watch your words lol.)

Pushing himself/herself can mean differently from people. For me, pushing myself means strengthening my mindset of not wanting to lose to the people around me.

Oh wow i think i sound like a loser. A sore one too. Haha. Maybe i am one.

And thus a miracle for me happened. For that 2.4km run i broke the 12 minute barrier ( thanks to a classmate for coining this phrase "12-min barrier) at 11 min 32 secs, even when i started late. I was still tying my shoelace but then the teacher said go and started the stopwatch.

Oh my gosh that was kinda embarrassing still. But i still thank the teacher for giving me allowance by reducing 5 seconds to my timing to 11 min 27 secs.

But of course there are limits as to how far i can go. It's a case of mind vs body.

Anyways, holidays are here. Unfortunately, for jc students, they aren't really qualified to be called a "holiday".

Still i can't wait to get out of school, even if it's for 3 weeks.

I hate this place.

I especially hate certain aspects of my current school life. I increasingly hate this guy, i hate this, i hate that, i hate yon. (not a spelling error by the way.)

Ultimately, i could have hated myself too.

But in order to survive, i'll have no choice but to stay in it.

I feel my life is shortening. Good.

2010-05-25T21:34:00.000+08:00

And i am back to embedding music in this blog.

This particular music piece which i am embedding for this period of time, "幽雅に咲かせ、墨染の桜～ Border of Life" by UI-70 & Demetori is just too awesome, to me at least.

The title means "Bloom nobly, Cherry Blossoms of Sumizome ~ Border of Life". And it's a metal version of the original Touhou game music played during the epic battle against Yuyuko Saigyouji.

To me it's like a godly piece of music. Credits for composing this is ZUN, the one guy behind the wonderland of Touhou.
Credits for metalizing it goes to UI-70 & Demetori whose works i listen to everyday without fail.

It's best advised to listen to it with a good enough or decent speaker, and convert the clip to 320kbps which i always do.

When i first listen to this song from a Touhou Metal/Prog Rock music channel in youtube, i almost shed tears of awe.
The original game music was already awe-inspiring when it is playing in the game. Since i am into metal, it is even more impactful.

Well, i would expect people to get a shock at the apparent sudden change of volume and pace at around 0:44 and switch off the music immediately and never listen to it ever again, as if the shock is like a trauma itself.
At least it is what i observed in people, so it might be prone to misunderstandings on my part.

And also not everyone is a fan like me so of course people don't have to force themselves to like things, especially when my taste is really extraordinary, individualistic, pretty unique and different from the masses.

Oh wow i do sound egoistic and self-centered.

Is this what i have become?

Well, i do notice myself thinking differently from before, particularly about life and human interactions.

And i am pretty pessimistic and full of contempt about them.

So i wonder if pessimism is bad.

My apparent contempt might be making me more and more secluded.

Lol what am i talking about? It doesn't make sense right?

And basically, if you read this blog post from start till the end, congratulations you have killed some time.

2010-05-17T22:39:00.000+08:00

Yesterday i wished that i will get some sickness to skip this terrible school week.

Now i do feel a little sick. Great.

But wait, this thursday there is some very important biology practical assessment which i wouldn't want to miss. There will be lots of trouble if i missed it.

Life is boring as usual. And i roughly know the reason why. I guess i gotta blame my personality.
Somehow, i feel like taking back certain words i said before.

Okok that's all for today. I feel sick i don't care about anything anymore for now including tutorials.

2010-05-16T16:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was great.

First was the Wushu college day performance. Basically, the performance goes like, our 2 competition medalist alternate in performing part of their routines, 1 of them with cudgel and broadsword, the other with sword and Changquan. After that, 5 of us plus the one with the cudgel and broadsword did the group routine.

I wasn't the main limelight in the performance of course. But this marked my first stage performance without any major screw up.

Though the syncronisation in the group routine wasn't really up to standard as compared to usual rehearsals.

Anyway, part of the group routine was a take-2-steps-jump-high-kick-and-land-lying-on-our-sides move.
When we did that, i heard ohhhhh~ from the audience.

Don't know exactly why. Probably some of us seem to land too hard on the stage and make a hearable 'poom' sound.
Well, that move didn't hurt much. Just the usual stuff.

My teacher-in-charge told us the performance received quite a number of compliments.

Well i guess that's good enough, though i won't believe him 100% since i was sure our synchro wasn't good, so he could be encouraging us to feel better.

Anyway, after that, some of us went to Teo Heng to sing K. The room was kinda small and squeezy for 7 of us.
Great fun though. But i realised i need to listen to GO-ON by UVERworld more. It's the only Japanese song which is on the song list and whom i listen to everyday. I thought i could sing it without much trouble, but i guess not lol.

After that, we played pool. I am a total noob but somehow, i felt i leveled up 3 times in terms of skills.
And i had great fun being a joker by disturbing the other team so that they can't concentrate.
User Advice: Doesn't always work though.

So, in summary, great day,

A deviation from the mundane life.

A pity tomorrow is the start of a new week; the return to reality.

The school week's lineup is as follows:

1. Chemistry test on organic compounds. There is all these hype about organic food, organic this, organic that. They sure will have a change of heart when they have to sit for A level chemistry exam testing organic chemicals.

2. Mathematics statistics test. One of the most turn-offs things ever for me. I don't like doing statistics. They are bad enough for me to use the word "fucking" to qualify how it turns me off.

3. Napfa test. I hate the 2.4km run. In order to save me a few months agony in the singapore army camp, i'll have to put myself through another form of agony, which is to clock in approximately less than 12:30 minutes.
It's one of life's worst 12 minutes.

4. GP comprehension and probably also an essay assignment to do. I hate doing an essay within short time constrains. I wonder who the hell came up with this idea of assessing students language skills by time constrains.
I feel it prevents the student from performing to his/her fullest potential and puts a cap in his/her abilities.

This is the perfect time for me to get infected with chickenpox.

Come on chickenpox. Come and get me. I am ready for you.

2010-05-13T23:18:00.001+08:00

Latest addiction:

This flash game ( click on the word "flash" to go to the page. alternatively, type http://dagobah.biz/flash/Cirno_Training.swf) featuring everyone's favourite ice fairy called Cirno from Touhou.

Many people think Cirno is an idiot but i think she's just way too cute.

Click anywhere on the screen to start the game.
There will be (a number) たす (a number). It means to add them up. And then the 2 numbers in circles are options for you to choose as answer.

The challenge is that to score and advance, you'll have to choose the wrong sum as the answer. But there's one more catch, if the sum is equal to 9, then choose 9 as the answer.

(The number 9 is often associated with Cirno, that's why.)

As you progress the time allowed for you to choose the answer reduces. Alternatively, hold down 'e' and click the screen at the start to access the fastest mode.

I think this is the real Concentration Game lol.

Nice concept. Can be a test of mental strength lol. That's why i like this flash game so much, other than the character featured in it.

Alright enough of my own self-centered interests.

Anyways I don't really know what i was doing the whole day in school today. Depressing as usual.

First period was biology practical which includes running gel electrophoresis and staining DNA and do some problem solving.
Washing up after the practical was usual routine, but i ended up having a girl cleaning up the stuff for me.

She said she can't stand messy stuff, so she helped. There is this inexplicable emo-ness felt. Lol.

Sounds like gender role reversals. But i would be stereotyping if i have this view.

That's all i can remember for today.

Oh, maybe i will try sleeping much earlier next time at 10.30am to try to alleviate my depression.

Emoticon of the day, wait... no week, or maybe month - Ｄ:

2010-05-13T00:18:00.000+08:00

Today after school curriculum time there was this unnecessary sports meet in school which had wasted some of my time.

So, some time in the middle of it, i joined 3 of my classmates at one corner in the stadium (where the sports meet is held) to have a relatively better view.

I don't know exactly when was it, but i noticed one of my classmate repeating 2 words many many times in his conversations with the other 2 classmates.
And those 2 words are "Stupid right?".

And i think he repeated it at least 8 times in a row.

Lol. I am not really against him regarding him having the habit of referring to people or their actions as stupid.

I just feel that sometimes or maybe even many times there's a need to ponder about things a little more deeply. The world is not plain black and white. It isn't really that straightforward.

There are gray areas.

And lol no offense but, sometimes i think he's the naive one instead. Ha. Almost lost my temper there just now.

But having said that, i wouldn't be able to always tell if i myself am being naive in dealing with things.

Anyway i don't know if the things i wrote above are considered as a cowardly act or maybe even backstabbing.

So, i guess i'll make some mental preparations then.

2010-05-11T20:11:00.001+08:00

Okay i am back for some blogging once again. I have not been blogging these few weeks, probably because basically i am lazy.

More importantly, recently i kinda feel... you know, tired of living.

However even though i finally updated, it does not necessarily mean i don't feel tired of life anymore. In fact, today's probably the worst day ever because of my flu and i think it's gonna spiral downwards even more tomorrow, the day after and so on.

"Tired of living", this term is kinda vague and complicated. It's kinda like, i feel my life is boring, there's little meaning in life nowadays.

There's hardly anything that excites me, i want something positively interesting to happen. I don't know how much longer i can stand in this jc life in a school like TPJC.

I think this is some emo or depression period for me, and almost every single thing i see pisses me off, but of course i'll still try my best to be nice. But i'll still have a super disgruntled look hanging on my face.

I won't apologise for that lol.

Oh, i think "jaded" can be used to describe quite accurately about the feeling i have now.

A step closer towards maturity?

Oh anyway, don't worry i won't do anything like commiting suicide or emulate those high school shootings like those in the west (I personally do not really like the west though).

Why?

Because if i really do kill, those "nonsensical" media like The Newpaper (actually i don't really want to put capitals in this name of the newspaper as i do not really have respect for it) will, in my opinion, do their usual stuff of mixing in unnecessary additional stuff just to make their article emotional and appeal to readers who want the illusion of the existence of interesting things happening in their mundane lives.

And i think this will distort facts in many ways.

I don't want them to write false stuff about me and make me appear as one of those generic stereotypical emo kids if i ever were to appear in one of their article.

At least this is the impression that The Newpaper and that Sin Ming chinese newspaper give me, that they are purveyors of falsehood to some extent.

Don't sue me for defamation though. I am not really saying The Newpaper is a scam, i am just saying about the impression that it has on me.

And i think i can write compre passages for Cambridge lol.

Well at least life has not totally turn its back on me.

Some time ago, for the first time, i managed to clear Normal mode of Touhou 7 without using any "Continues" (i.e. 1 Credit Clear , abbreviated as 1CC), and also yesterday i 1CC-ed, also for the first time, Touhou 8. Plus i tried my hands on the Extra Stage of Touhou 8, though i didn't survive that carnage, i managed to capture 1 spellcard from the Extra Stage boss. ("Capture" means to decrease the boss' health without myself dying or using a bomb till she stops using her current pattern of attacks. Sounds easy, but no it isn't for harder difficulties and for Extra Stage.)

But apparently, Touhou 8 is the easiest of the Windows Touhou game series ( i.e. from 6 onwards).

Still, it's a progress for someone like me. And this feeling is wonderful.

Alright i am gonna conclude this blog post. There's some biology test tomorrow morning. I am not interested.

And after that, there is some crap sports meet in school in the afternoon after curriculum lessons until 6.30pm.

A total waste of my time.

2010-04-18T18:08:00.000+08:00

Oh hey after weeks of break i am back for a little blogging action. These 2 weeks were damn busy ones, and it somehow became an excuse for me to avoid homework and studies and go slack academically.

But hey i was a little shocked when i saw some of my classmates chionging tutorials even when they are not due that day or the next.

Shit i feel the need to catch up especially when the usual slacking ones have already started to chiong.

Anyways, my endeavour to get a medal for my individual segment of the A Div Wushu competition didn't pay off.

It's totally my own fault. But i didn't think so at first when the judge announced my score after i did my routine at the carpet.
I got a less than satisfactory score of 7++ out of 10. I thought the judges were kayu and only gave high scores to those people from national team, or ex-nationals, or from schools with reputation like VJ.
Moreover i got an extra penalty deduction of 0.3 out of my total score because i supposedly missed out steps and added in unnecessary ones.

I don't know seriously which part of my routine went wrong. I know my coach don't know exactly how to do my routine (but he knows how to make it better) and i learnt this routine all by myself after i learnt some basics from an RC Wushu class i attended , but then 2 of my Wushu comrades who competed in the same routine as i did also kenna this penalty.

What's more, one of my comrades was an ex-student of the judge checking for mistakes in the routine. So he is like shooting himself in his foot as it means he himself teach wrongly?

However, after i watched my own replay of my performance, my mindset changed. My first half was okay, but then from the start of the second half onwards i saw how pathetic i fared. It's like only 50% of my usual arsenal during training.
I realised i deserve that lousy score that i got.

I still got far to go before i can be on equal level of those ex-nationals or whoever they are.

And i regret not putting in my 100% in my trainings at the RC Wushu class. If i started from then, who knows what i can achieve.

Anyways, 5 Wushu comrades and i won a 4th placing medal in the group segment.
4th placing isn't much, but i am contented already.
A 4th place is quite difficult (that's why they have a medal for 4th), but more importantly, the top 3 teams are just simply impossible to beat.

They can do very high level stunts and do it in a synchronized manner. Even if some of us got some background, not all of us can do it, in addition to making it synchronised.

Anyways, we got a total of 3 medals. Of course i wanted more lol.

And anyways also, i heard tpjc's guitar ensemble got top for an annual competition. Congrats.

So i guess it's some period of achievement for tpjc, the mid-range neighbourhood jc with screwed bureaucracy and systems and little talents eh.

(I say little talents because talented people mostly will DSA into those reputable schools like VJ again, otherwise, it's a matter of equilibrium - if you're good in sports/ performing arts you probably won't do as well in studies and be a 20-pointer in O levels unless heaven's being a bitch)

Ceteris Paribus....

Ok i feel like saying something to qualify my point of view but then i think Ceteris Paribus will make no sense here.

Anyway, a friend of mine in the guitar ensemble told me something funny that happened while they are preparing for their competition and i suddenly had the inspiration to make one picture based on this original Touhou fan pic here, which is apparently based on a meme.

No offence here hehe for those who know what it is about.

Okay i guess that's it for today.

2010-04-03T23:44:00.000+08:00

The rift outside the Wushu room seems to be fixed already, but i think the school management condone off the area like some crime scene just in case.

So for today's last training for competitors it is at the hall. After that we went to some place called Chinese International School if i got the name right, to try the competition-typed carpet to get used to it.

In the hall, i did my routine without using full force and i was already 1/2 dead half way through my routine, and then fully dead after completing it.
I seriously have no idea why my stamina sucks. It's not like i am fat or i smoke or what. Ok i think it's the damned second hand smoke that is all around.

But in that Chinese International School i think i enjoy using that carpet. It's a pity that i didn't try do one whole routine one more time with full force using that carpet to test my hypothesis that i might fare better in that carpet rather than in my own boring school environment.

So next friday is my competition segment already. Somehow i feel regret that i didn't train enough. To tell you frankly i have 3 to 4 years of "experience", but i wasted the first 3 years achieving and accomplishing nothing.
I didn't put in any serious effort to train, and did not aim for national standard.

I think i could have reach somewhere near if i gave it my all for all 4 years.

Damn this is so depressing.

Oh anyway, exam results are gonna be released next week. I don't look forward to it actually, because i won't expect to have any kind of "victory" feeling.

2010-03-30T21:47:00.000+08:00

Recently i am hooked on TAMusic's music. They are a group of people who do Touhou BGM remixes.

I am into metal, prog rock, piano and especially violin music pieces, and they have the last three (in separate albums), though i don't really like some of their works, but the ones that i like i like it very much. And of course, the addiction is there.

And for one of the pieces that i like, i am painfully addicted to it. It's called " ネクロファンタジア " (pronounced as Necro-Fantasia) by TAM × Ravy.

If i can find a way to stream music here with good streaming speed, i will embed it here. But for now, a rough description of this piece: It's predominantly non-vocal instrumental violin. For the non-chorus part it is literally out of this world.
Out of this world not as in really beautiful, but it sounds disturbing and it's like a musical sequence that has some code in it and is probably composed by an alien, or a time traveler wanting to tell us something, maybe tell us that the world is still find in 2012.

And somehow together with the nice and normal-sounding chorus (conventional violin cover with additional drum beat), it got stuck in my head.
And when i replay it back in my head (subconsciously), the non-chorus part gives me some kind of pain in the head and i will feel much better when i listen to the real song itself.
So i guess it's the imba skill of the composer.

But i guess it's just me, because i got some personal preference for violin and high pitch stuff, and i am easily addicted to songs i like(or wait maybe all the songs i like are really nice).

Oh anyway a change of topic, for schoolmates, have you noticed that small little rift outside Wushu room?

Lol i don't know exactly how it happened. Last friday during training we had our usual turn-by-turn doing of our routines for pratice.
And then when it's my second time doing my section, i step on one part of the carpet, and i heard "Crak Crak", and we wondered wtf was that.

We lift up the carpet, and we realised the floortiles was smashed into fragments...

Wow.

But i'd like to say, it's might not entirely be our fault. Firstly we always wanted a new, better, thicker and almost competition-quality carpet in place of the current old, dusty, thin, slippery, small, parasites-infested carpet.
Unfortunately, the school doesn't have the budget for new carpets apparently, because one entry-level one can already cost thousands.

Moreover, the school is like quite old already, so i guess we can expect the floor to give in.

Anyways, movie review. Watched How to Train your Dragon in 3D last friday. It's good, i like the fireball shooting out from the Night Fury, and plus, Japanese people are part of the production crew.

And if all goes well, i will join some people to watch Clash of Titans this thursday. I'll see how it goes.

2010-03-28T00:35:00.000+08:00

Wushu competition coming. Seriously i feel 100 times more stressed for this competition as compared to the SA exams, if i feel any stress for the SA at all.

Anyways, just asking, will there be any difference in the time taken for the green light to start flashing when people press the traffic light button more than once?
Most likely there isn't, because i think the timing is automated and fixed according to vehicle traffic conditions on that stretch of road.

And if so, it will piss me off when those dumb impatient aunties repeatedly smash the traffic light button, and especially when i had already pressed it once first.

I feel that they are being discourteous to me, and i feel like yelling, "WTF ARE YOU BLIND OR DUMB OR BOTH? CAN'T YOU SEE THE SMALL LITTLE RED LIGHT AT THE BUTTON THERE ALREADY?? JUST WAIT LAH IDIOT", and also it's like lumping me together with another dumb group of people who see that small little red light not there but didn't press the button.

Okay... so i think my depression hasn't end yet. I need an injection of money to pull me out of this depression.

D:

2010-03-25T19:30:00.000+08:00

The SA is finally finished. Erm... yay?

I don't really feel any great joy like "YES IT'S FINALLY OVAL" or something like that. It's a vast difference from what i felt when i beat Touhou 10 for the first time (in Easy mode though, sadly).

On the contrary, i feel kinda depressed. Not that i am some exam freak though, although i can't say for sure.
I feel it's missing something.
Oh yes, i missed out the confident feeling like "Heh i am gonna own people in this paper" kind of feeling. It leaves an empty feeling when i don't have this confident feeling after the last exam paper.

To achieve this confident feeling after walking out of the exam hall is probably the only good reason why exams exist.

And seriously i could have done much better in the last exam this biology paper. A stomachache came at a very bad timing again and i was spending 3/4 of the 3 hours holding it in and stoning away wasting time.

This sucks, and this sounds like an excuse. And i especially hate it when i couldn't score well in the paper and people expect me to ace it and they tell me ,"EH i thought you damn good one where's your A?".
It somehow just pisses me off.

Anyway, maybe it would be better to switch the timing of yesterday's math paper with today's biology paper, because it might give a more decent closure of this SA since for the math paper i felt a tinge of confidence for after calculating a total of only 27 lost marks while other people said they lost 40 over marks, even though i always have a high tendency to make careless mistakes.

So, let's see if my depression will continue tomorrow, especially my exams have ended and tomorrow's paper is physics which i don't take, which is a very difficult subject for me for some unknown reasons.
But very unfortunately, i still have to go back to school for the anti-climatic make-up chemistry practical session in place of next week's lost session because of Good Friday, and there's a very large gap of time between the end of the chemistry practical and the start of cca training.

Good.

2010-03-23T17:02:00.000+08:00

After 2 days of 3 exam papers past, as standard, i don't feel really good.

The same old feeling that "oh shucks should have read this stuff in more details when i went thru it just now" kind of feeling.

For the gp essay, i was betting on sports to come out as one of the 12 questions given. Kinda ironic but, after all, teachers were speculating that sports is likely to appear as an A level gp question this year.

And i went to focus much of my efforts on sports content but in the end SPORTS DIDN'T CAME OUT.

D:

I kinda felt cheated, but there's no time for me to feel emo. So i picked the next best one, which is about whether equal rights for women will undermine family stability.
Goddammit i remembered very clearly i printed something from the school's net portal that has stuff similar to what this question is asking but I FORGOT TO GO THROUGH IT BECAUSE I WAS SO FOCUSED ON SPORTS.

I still did that question though, because other 11 questions suck. Looks like i'll disappoint people again eh.

Econs and chem exam also finished yesterday and today, but they aren't worth mentioning, cos i am not interested in these subjects.
Econs especially, after the first econs teacher we had who was captivating to a very large extent got changed to a repetition of new teachers. In other words, she won't be teaching us ever again. In other words, our class is doomed for econs.

If you'd to ask me what's captivating about that first econs teacher we had, i won't have a definite answer for you. After all, attraction isn't logical and rational.
Maybe she has charisma, and i find the way she teaches and the way she speaks fast to be interesting.

Anyways, today i had a very bad stomachache at a very bad timing -- in the bus. Wtf.
I think it takes a great deal of willpower to flex the anal muscle and hold the shit in, especially for that kind of stomachache i was experiencing.
So i was subconsciously keeping a cool face but inside i was like "Oh please oh please God or anyone else make the big fat cars in front move faster or give the bus rocket engine so that it can jump over the last stretch of road to the school which everyday because of ill-designed intersection of roads from expressway exits that creates a slowdown in traffic.
And while praying i even make a promise not to do XXX and XXX and XXX etc if i ever survive this ordeal.

And YES I SURVIVED. I am a person who knows some gratitude, so i am gonna keep my promise not to do XXX and XXX and XXX for today or this few days etc.

Lol.

And i even accumulate good karma today LOL by helping my classmate behind who so happened to have 2 missing batteries in her calculator.
I had brought spare batteries into the exam hall in case my calculator's became flat and 2D.

I gave it away free; she needs it more than me, though when i think of it, giving away 2 spare batteries isn't some big deal anyway.

People say we should be selfless and not expect anything in return when we help others, and that we should not purposely accumulate good karma for the sake of benefiting ourselves.

But it's kinda hard for me to have this mindset. I'd expect people to return the goodwill and reciprocate what i did.

If not, i will strangle them, smash their heads against the wall, whack them with a chair, slam them and give a final blow.... nah just kidding.

2010-03-17T00:04:00.000+08:00

Exams coming right after this holidays. But i am not gonna mention anything much about studies here now, cos it's basically GG.

Did some chemistry questions but i made mistakes in almost all of them.

Checked out the math revision questions that the teacher gave and i realised vectors is the only thing i am comfortable with.

And the rest of the memorizing subjects i haven't started to memorize them yet.

So anyway, i "flipped through the bookmarks of life" (lol thank my "imba" malay classmate for this quote on his msn pm) and i felt i had gone through some personality changes as compared to the personality i think i had some months ago.

I think i used to have lots of humour but now all the humour created in class is not by me.
So, i felt i became more of a (very) gloomy person. Either that or no one is paying attention to my complex "humour" which makes me gloomy instead.

Haha.

So it's GG life for me.

Well after going through periods of time it isn't hard to change, though people say a leopard cannot change its spots.
But we are not leopards, unfortunately or not.